The Answer Is No

by Fredrik Backman

Lucas is happy. This is a very provoking thing to the world. Because people aren’t supposed to be happy, they’re only supposed to want to be happy, because how otherwise are you supposed to be able to sell things to them?

All he did was to remove the one thing that makes almost all people unhappy: other people.

Whatever they want, the answer is no.

If you imagine how you would spend a free evening, not an evening where you’ve planned things out but an evening in which all your plans have suddenly been canceled, and now you find yourself in your comfiest pants in a warm, cozy apartment, thinking: So . . . I can do whatever I want all night?

He doesn’t want you to call or email and he most certainly doesn’t want you to ever circle back.

But the monkey can’t fly, so the bird has to walk. And after a while the monkey gets very annoyed with the bird, because the bird walks so very slowly. So then the bird suggests that maybe it can fly above the monkey instead? And then the monkey gets very, very hurt and says: “Oh! Excuse me then for wanting us to do something together!”

So: Lucas is happy. It’s a frying pan that ruins his life.

He works well in groups as long as it’s groups of fewer than two people.

Best to be like dill, Lucas has concluded. Not like basil, the most anxious and ingratiating herb, but also not like cilantro, that conflict-seeking lunatic. Be dill. Nobody cares about dill.

Being smart is the worst thing one can be in modern society. All it ever means is more work.

Because Lucas is making the mistake of thinking that the board wants to solve the problem. But people actually almost never want to do that.

‘Oh no, sorry, she hasn’t woken up yet.’ But actually she’s lent me this apartment. Apparently this doctor does this sometimes when she feels that mothers need . . . a break.”

Because a funny thing about rule-loving people is that to them it seems more important to impose punishment than it is to actually solve problems, and a funny thing about rule-breaking people is that they seem to find breaking rules a lot easier to do if someone else has broken them first.

“That is not how the city’s classification system works. We only take into consideration what is plausible.

“It’s really hard to find good cult member these days, Lucas. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

“We have to guard the pile!” says Board Head Two. “With violence, if necessary!” Board Head Three chirps, clenching her small fists. “Not now, Linda, please,” Heads One and Two whisper.

because the truth about problems is that the problem itself is never actually the problem. It’s always the people involved who are the problem. But unfortunately there are no middle managers around.

“Shouldn’t the result of guarding the pile be exactly the same, no matter how I meant it?” Lucas shouts back in frustration. “Have you ever met human beings?” she asks.

“I’m . . . no expert. But I think most people who want to be happy try to add things to their lives. But really what maybe they should be doing is taking something away.”

You view loneliness as taking people away. But for most of us, loneliness is just adding more loneliness.”

My cat was very old, at the end he was almost blind, I used to wake up at night because he’d accidentally knock things over on the floor. I miss that all the time now. It’s hard to get used to a silent apartment.”

“Ugh, no! Peanuts in food? It was horrible!” But then her face softens and she adds, her voice full of gratitude: “But it was very nice to find that out for myself. What I don’t like.”

but I miss . . . making up. It’s like we’re choosing each other all over again when that happens.”

Then they stand in silence, the three people, a breath away but with whole lives between them.

“It would be good if we could appear consistent, yes. Being consistent is the opposite of being wrong.” “If we’re wrong, we may be deposed at the next meeting. And then the neighbors might kill us,” whispers Head Three.

I, the angel, ask you to choose one thing each from the pile. For what is now everyone’s trash was once someone’s possession. Carry this thing with you through life as a reminder of the pile within yourselves. Do not collect junk in your hearts. You can make yourself happy if you don’t let others make you unhappy.

Don’t look on the internet for someone who is exactly like you. Look for someone who isn’t. Love is not to never fight. Love is always making up.

It’s only when the woman in the purple dress is standing down on the sidewalk, panting after walking down all those stairs, that she realizes it’s not a black furry hat. It’s a black kitten. The woman’s apartment is never silent again.

Lucas is happy. It’s not as hard as one might think to become, the hard part is just to keep being it. It’s hard because it’s so easy to get in your head that if you are to be happy, you have to be happy exactly all of the time. And who in the world has the energy for that? Happiness can be exhausting. Honestly, it’s most often enough to just not be the opposite.

If you ask people what they think, they start thinking, and that’s how wars start.

Because the doctors and nurses understand very well that all the modern pills and treatments are surely great, but sometimes what people really need most of all is a prescription for a break.

They’re laughing, all four of them. The woman looks so happy. On the back of the photograph it says: “They jumped.”