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Initial Public Offering,
Asshole Arousal Disorder where I’m only interested
in men who ignore me.
Danny Walker and his rigid square jawline can go to hell.
Clearly, Jen had serviced him sufficiently, so he has no
further need for me.
I’m starting to think the guy is a sociopath.
“Charlie, I’m not
well,”
“What’s wrong?” “Janey Davidson is stre...
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“What has she done now?” “What has she done?” Mum squawks so loudly I flinch. “I’ll tell you what she has done. She has taken up piloting
in her front garden! She’s been strutting around in a bra with her fat arse and these great big jugs bouncing around, trying to do the splits. Right in
front of me! I can’t even enjoy my own garden without her getting naked. It is a complete disgrace on the ...
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I need to move
cities and change my birth certificate.
“There’s always a catch,”
I push the wall, and low and behold, it moves. It’s like trying to enter fucking
Narnia through the wardrobe.
I can’t believe it. I’ve committed a sick-and-run.
“Just stay away from his dick,”
“She tried to summon the dark side.”
I was caught doing the Ouija board.”
“The nuns are in uproar. They’re holding a special mass to cleanse the
school, to undo the damage that Calli...
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“What are you looking
for, Danny?”
“When I find it, I’ll let you know.” They laugh ...
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not particularly funny. I don’t laugh. I knew what he's saying. It’s not you. I’m a fumble in the toil...
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Jack sits back, laughing his head off.
there’s a sharp wheezing sound, like the sound of a goose being strangled.
He wakes himself fully with a giant snore as if someone has squeezed his airway shut,
There is sneering and snorts
of laughter behind me. To top it all off, I'm being victimised by a gang of ten-year-old boys. “What a wuss, lady!” the ginger
one shouts at me. I glare at him. “Go fuck you...
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“Get off, you little motherfuckers.”
“Assholes,” I bellow, sticking my middle finger up at them. “I’ll fucking murder each and every one of you.”
“Can you die by holding in your own farts too long?”
Shit. I better investigate that.
Danny Walker can go to hell.
All he ever brought me was pain.
