The Summer We Fell (The Summer, #1)

by Elizabeth O'Roark

We both reach for my bag at the same time, our hands brushing for a moment. I snatch mine back but it’s too late. Luke is already in my bloodstream, already poisoning me. Making me want all the wrong things, just like he always did.

I don’t even know what I want, really. I just want more. More than what I have now, which is so wrong, when I already have so much.

“Go fuck yourself,” I reply under my breath. His eyes lighten and his mouth twitches. “There she is,” he says, only for me to hear. “I knew she was in there somewhere.”

My eyes fall closed. This tiny hint that he cares, even if he’s angry about it…God, it hurts. I ignore him while tucking this moment away, wrapping it carefully and placing it with all my favorite memories—every one of them of him. I’ll unwrap it again when it’s safe, when there aren’t any witnesses.

“She said no,” Luke says for the second time. “And I would suggest you stop trying to walk over her, or you’ll discover how much less we can cooperate than we already are.” I stare at him in shock. It’s not the first time Luke has defended me. But I hope I’m the only one who notices he’s still doing it.

“So will Luke be coming home with you next summer?” Donna asks. I stop chewing, waiting to hear his answer. “I don’t know,” Danny replies. “The construction firm he was with last summer offered him a bonus to come back, but now he’s talking about staying in San Diego.” Donna’s brow furrows. “Well, that makes no sense at all. Did he meet a girl?” Danny laughs. “There isn’t a day that goes by when Luke isn’t meeting a girl. I don’t think that’s it.” Suddenly, nothing about tonight brings me contentment. The pie crust sticks to my tongue, the air smells sickly sweet, the music is overly sentimental. It’s last summer all over again. I’m trying so hard to be like the Allens, but somehow, Luke manages to ruin everything for me, even when he’s not fucking here.

Except I already know. He defended me. And more importantly, he believed in me. He didn’t suggest I was to blame. He didn’t demand to know what part I’d played and why I hadn’t tried harder to save myself.

Someone finally took my side. Someone knows what happened and took my side. It allows for the possibility that I can be stained and poisonous but, someday, be loved in spite of it. It almost feels like I already am.

“There are lots of Go Fund Me’s that aren’t for charity,” argues Caleb. Grady rolls his eyes. “He’s not making fifty grand that way.” I glare at him. “He might at least get enough to buy the surfboards and pay some entry fees. It would be a start. I suppose your suggestion would be that he just prays for the money?” “Juliet!” Danny scolds softly. Luke’s gaze holds mine, the fire reflecting in his eyes. He raises a brow. “You won’t stand up for yourself but you’ll stand up for me,” that look says. “Yes,” I reply silently. “Get used to it.”

I don’t argue with him because he’s right. But I also know Luke would say that if I want to play the lottery, I should fucking play the lottery, because it’s my life, not Danny’s.

I blink back tears. “I love it,” I rasp. “Thank you.” “Don’t thank me.” He picks up his fork and stabs it into an egg yolk. “Use it.”

I feel like an absolute idiot, but the next morning there’s three grand from an anonymous donor in Luke’s GoFundMe. And I’m pretty sure I’d suffer any amount of feeling like an idiot to see the look of pride on Luke’s face a week later when he pulls the thousand-dollar Ghost he just bought out of the Jeep. He runs a loving hand over the epoxy surface. “Isn’t she beautiful?” “So she’s a she, huh?” I tease. He grins. “The beautiful things always are.”

“You look like something rare and wild,” he whispers, pushing the hair back from my cheek. My breath catches at the feel of his fingers on my skin. “Something they locked up in a cage. And I think you were so relieved to find a safe place to land you didn’t even realize it happened. I thought I could save you if I came here this summer, but even if someone opens the cage, you’ve got to be willing to fly away, too, Jules.”

“I thought I was going to die, and the only thing that mattered, the only thing I wanted, was you,” he says against my mouth. “You were all I fucking thought about.”

The horror of what I’ve just done sinks in. “Luke…I’m sorry.” His nostrils flare. “Don’t you dare take it back.”

“Stay away from me today,” I tell him, slamming the dishwasher shut before turning to face him. “I don’t want people thinking the wrong thing.” He throws the towel on the counter and leans toward me so only I can hear what he’s saying. He’s like a space heater—I can feel the warmth of him when he’s not even touching me. “My sheets smell like you,” he says against my ear, his fingers grazing my neck as he pushes my hair away, “and I have your claw marks on my ass. I could follow you to your room right now and have you begging me to fuck you in seconds. It wouldn’t even be an effort. So, explain, exactly, how it would be the wrong thing for anyone to think.”

“So, when you remember my son, when you think of this house, just know that you, too, can make mistakes, but as long as you can still find a little bit of love inside yourself, it isn’t too late.” She smiles at me. “That’s what this house is for. For all the children who are certain they are bad and unlovable. So that they can find the good that’s been in them all along.” Tears stream down Donna’s cheeks, and the ache in my chest can no longer be held in. I press my face to my hands as I start to cry. She just used this moment, her moment and Danny’s, to tell me to forgive myself. Libby squeezes my knee before she walks to the stage, and then someone takes her seat and an arm wraps around me, too heavy and too perfect to be any arm but Luke’s. I press my face into the stiff fabric of his jacket and cry like a kid against his chest. I thought it was best that we stay apart here, today, when people are watching. When someone might put it together. I’m glad he didn’t listen to me.

“You’re something wild and magnificent, and he has no idea how to take care of you, so he spends all his time making sure your cage is secure because he has no idea what else to do. And that’s why this kills me, Juliet. Because I think I do know how to take care of you, and I want to take his place so bad that it fucking hurts to look at you sometimes.”

“I’m not sure I want to do this,” I whisper. “I’m really bad.” “No. You’re a beginner. There’s a difference.” “Maybe I should just ride it on my knees.” He raises a brow. “Do you already have a fucking back-up plan for failing before you’ve ever even tried?” I laugh. “Yeah, I guess I do.” “Paddle.”

but Luke is my sun, my moon, my tide, and I’m tired of fighting his pull.

“I haven’t loved many things in this world,” he says, “but I loved you from the minute I saw you, and whether it’s today or seventy years from now, I’ll love you with my dying breath.”

He sighs. “I’m just not sure why everyone’s making such a big deal out of it. They’re acting like he’s Jesus. He’s just got a better board than the rest of us do.” My jaw falls open. “Do me a favor,” I snap, moving away from him, “and don’t act like the only thing he’s got that you don’t have is a good board.”

“Fuck it,” he says, reaching me in five long strides before grabbing my face and kissing me hard. I don’t stop him. I breathe in the smell of his shampoo, the salt on his skin, taste his lips and try to memorize all of it—his smell, his size, the tightness of his grip. “Choose me, Juliet,” he whispers. “Please fucking choose me.”

“I wanted you to be happy more than I’ve ever wanted anything for myself. If you think the past seven years weren’t awful for me, then you don’t understand this at all.” My voice breaks. “If you think the past seven years haven’t killed me, then you can’t possibly love me the way I love you, the way I’ve loved you since you first walked into the diner, because when you love someone like that, yes, you’ll fucking lie to him and for him⁠—” My words die off as he closes the distance between us, pinning me to the wall with his hands framing my face. “Don’t try to tell a man who’s waited ten years for you that you love him more.”

I laugh. “I guess I was kind of a sure thing, then?” “Juliet Cantrell,” he whispers, tugging me tight against him, “you’ve never been a sure thing.”

“Marry me,” he says. This time, he’ll get no argument. If I’m willing to brave cold water and huge waves to stay near Luke Taylor, I’m sure not going to complain about this. “Name the date. And we’ll need to buy a hammock.” He leans over my board and presses his lips to mine for a long moment. “As soon as possible. And I ordered the hammock yesterday.” We’re getting our happy ending after all. I’d have waited for it forever, but I’m so glad I didn’t have to.