The Truth (Discworld, #25; Industrial Revolution, #2)

by Terry Pratchett

“The Dolly Sisters Baking and Flower Circle Annual Competition was held in the Reading Room in Lobbin Clout Street, Dolly Sisters. Mrs. H. Rivers was the President. She welcomed all members and commented on the Sumptuous Offerings. Prizes were awarded as follows . . .” William ran his eye down the meticulous list of names and awards. “‘Specimen in Jar’?” he queried. “That was the competition for dahlias,” said Sacharissa. William carefully inserted the word “dahlia” after the word “specimen,” and read on. “‘A fine display of Loose Stool Covers’?” “Well?” “Oh . . . nothing.” William carefully changed this to “Loose Covers for Stools,” which was barely an improvement, and continued to read with the air of a jungle explorer who might expect any kind of exotic beast to spring out of the peaceful undergrowth. The piece concluded: “ . . . however, everyone’s Spirits were Dampened when a naked man, hotly pursued by Members of the Watch, burst through the Window and ran around the Room, causing much Disarray of the Tarts before being Apprehended by the Trifles. “The meeting closed at 9 P.M. Mrs. Rivers thanked all Members.”

Carney, slightly mollified, leaned forward and patted her hand again. “I know we used to play together when we were children—” he began. “I don’t think we actually played,” said Sacharissa, fishing in her handbag. “You used to chase me and I used to hit you over the head with a wooden cow.