Play Along (Windy City, #4)

by Liz Tomforde

Travis nudges my shoulder. “So, who is she?” On this day, where everything feels like a sign, I don’t hesitate when I say, “My future wife.”

Even in the darkness of the club, I know that hair. The shade is one I’ve memorized. Auburn as Cody first taught me. Kennedy Kay Auburn as I refer to it now.

“Pretty amazing that Max was born on the same date that we lost Mom, huh? It’s almost as if she sent him here for us.” “Yeah,” Kai breathes. “That’s how I’ve always thought about it too.” “I met Kennedy on that same date three years ago. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you that.” “You didn’t.” “I just so happened to marry her on the exact same date.”

“It’s okay to be mad at me if you need to. You don’t always have to keep that smile plastered on your face.”

But at the end of the day, even though I’ve spent all this time trying to get your attention, I won’t try anything with you unless I know you want my attention too.”

He doesn’t say anything, simply searches my face until finally he asks, “Do you want to be touched?”

His smile is warm as he looks down at me, and maybe that’s exactly what my cold needs.

I don’t know how to. I don’t know how to be the kind of woman that a man would want.” I rear back. “You’re out of your mind if you think you’re not exactly the kind of woman a man would want. Just because you’re not comfortable with showing physical affection doesn’t make you any less of a woman, Ken.”

I’ve never gotten to date or flirt with a stranger or whatever else people learn in their twenties. I’m about to be thrust into the dating pool with absolutely no experience.”

“If you stop worrying about unworthy men, maybe you’ll begin to realize that you’re not the problem.” “It’s not really about anyone else,” I tell him. “I want to do this for me.”

I’m a scientist. This is research. Trial and error.

There’s a huge part of me that longs for the romantic parts of life. To be grabbed and kissed. For my hand to be held like someone’s lifeline. To be flaunted because someone loves me for me,

I’ve never experienced intimacy. Communication. Exploring someone’s body and them exploring mine. Touching someone that I want to touch.”

“Kenny, have you ever thought that maybe you’re not the problem? That maybe the issue is no one has ever let you feel safe and that’s why you’re not affectionate?”

There’s a nagging part of my brain that’s berating myself for asking him to help me in the first place. I should’ve done the work myself. Gone to therapy. Dealt with my issues alone without involving someone else. I should’ve fixed myself in silence.

Tengo mixed feelings

“Eyes are up here, wifey.” “I’m a doctor, Rhodes. Aced anatomy, in fact. I know where your eyes are located. I just don’t care right now.”

“You look happy.” “I’m always happy.” “No, you’re not. You may always look happy, but you’re not always happy.

“Before we start trying, Miller wants to become his mom. Legally, I mean. I just wanted to let you know that Ashley gave up all parental rights and we’re going through the paperwork for Miller to adopt Max.” My eyes immediately burn. Fuck, I love that kid. I also love that he has the two best parents in the world that want nothing more than to make sure he knows how cherished and chosen he is.

Because there’s not a world in which I could pretend I’m not still that heartbroken thirteen-year-old boy waiting for his mom to get home, and I don’t know how to keep my lighthearted, easy mask on when she’s the topic of discussion.

I’ve lived more of my life without her than with, and still I haven’t stopped missing her.”

“How lucky is she to have two boys who love her as much as you and your brother do. And how lucky are you,” Kennedy continues, her knee nudging mine, “to have a mom you love so much you still miss her all these years later.”

“Grief seems like a privilege, in a way,” she says. “To have loved someone so much that you can’t imagine life without them.

“I told her you were coming over and she asked if she could tag along too.” “That’s interesting.” “I thought so too.”

No one has ever been warm to you, including that guy, so how would you know how to be anything different?”

“So you do think I’m cold?” I let out a slow breath. “Yeah, maybe I do. But I don’t think that’s wrong or bad or something that needs to be fixed.

“You are the second greatest thing to ever happen to me and I know you understand what I mean when I say that because you feel the same way.”

“There’s one single reason I have loved this game for my entire life. It’s not the winning, the strikeouts, the fans, or the glory. I have loved baseball because of my brother. Isaiah was four years old and I was six when we first joined the same t-ball team. He wasn’t technically old enough yet, but I told our mom I wasn’t going to play unless he was out there with me. And it’s been that way for us ever since. He and I together.”

“As much as I love this game, what I’ll miss most is sharing the field with you. Traveling with you. Spending every single day with you. How lucky am I that I got a best friend and a brother all at once? There are things no one else will understand besides us. Things we experienced, people we lost, and the entire time, our goal was to be here, in this league together. Well, we did it, little brother.

I think you’re lucky to have people you care about so much that you want to be with them. I think that’s every woman’s hope, to be thought of the way you think of Miller.

You having a bad day or a bad moment is not going to make me want to be around you any less.

“Do you feel that way, or did someone tell you that you should feel that way?”

That right there is another first. Having someone across the room looking for me, checking on me. It seems like such a simple act, but it’s something I’ve always wished for and didn’t think I’d have.

For the first time in my life, it wasn’t hard to believe that someone could feel that way about me, because he had spent months showing me. His words were simply a reminder of what I already knew. Isaiah loves me.

I need you to understand that whatever you want to happen next, you have that option. If you want to go to San Francisco by yourself and start the life you’ve been so excited for, sign these. If you go and you want us to stay together, great. I’ll happily deal with the distance. And if you go and you want me to come with you, I will try my fucking hardest to make that happen.

“You’ve never gotten a say in your own life, and the last thing I’m going to do is take that away from you again. Every option is yours, Kenny.

It takes a real selfless man to give up what you’re offering to give up, to make sure the person you love finds what makes them happy.”

But I told my brother not to check in on me tonight. I need to challenge myself and I’m not going to get any better if I continue to allow either of us to enable my anxious thoughts.

“It’s not luck, baby. The good things in your life are there because of you. You are good and smart and capable and so fucking deserving, Kenny.

“I don’t want to rewrite anything. I want to date you while already loving you. I want to learn about you while already knowing you’re the one. I know we skipped a few relationship milestones, but there are no rules that say we can’t be married while we go back and check them off.”

Yes, I lost my mom on this date, but she spent the last twenty years sending her sons the greatest gifts in her absence, and it’s become impossible to think of this day with anything other than overwhelming gratitude and love.

Auburn. That’s what that color has to be. Kennedy Rhodes Auburn is falling in waves around her face. What was once a muted tone I couldn’t categorize is now the most beautiful color I’ve ever seen, framing the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.

“You are the pickiest guy I know while also being the thirstiest. It’s the strangest combination. It’s no wonder you’re single.”