Hogfather (Discworld, #20; Death, #4)

by Terry Pratchett

We do not drink. “But you did just say I could offer you a drink . . . ” Indeed. We judge you fully capable of performing that action.

“He’s”—the first speaker waved his hands vaguely, trying to get across the point that someone was a hamper of food, several folding chairs, a tablecloth, an assortment of cooking gear and an entire colony of ants short of a picnic—“mental. And he’s got a funny eye.”

It hovered for a moment and then produced a narrow, glittering arch in the air. It sparkled and went . . . . . . twing. “Aw,” said a voice behind them. “Innat nice, eh, our Davey?” “Yeah.” “All pretty sparkles . . .

You said “me,” said one. Ah. Yes. But, you see, we were quoting, said the other one hurriedly. Some religious person said that. About educating children. And so would logically say “me.” But I wouldn’t use that term of myself, of—damn! The robe vanished in a little puff of smoke.

“Squeak?” it asked. SQUEAK, said the Death of Rats. And that was it, more or less.

AH, BUT WE ARE NOT IN THE WORLD, said Death. WE ARE IN THE SPECIAL CONGRUENT REALITY CREATED FOR THE HOGFATHER.

“We’re attracted to bright colors, right? Automatic reaction.” “That’s jackdaws!” “Damn. Is it?”

“That’s bower birds,” said Susan. “Ravens don’t do that.” “Oh, so it’s typecasting now, is it?” said the raven.

‘Implied Creation Of Anthropomorphic Personification,’”

+++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++

“And this ‘rebooting’ business? Give it a good kicking, do you?” “Oh, no, of course, we . . . that is . . . well, yes, in fact,” said Ponder. “Adrian goes round the back and . . . er . . . prods it with his foot. But in a technical way,” he added.

wizards could get on one another’s nerves in opposite corners of a very large field.

“Me? I’m as honest as the day is long! Yes, what is it this time?” Ponder had tugged at his robe and now he whispered something in his ear. Ridcully cleared his throat. “I am reminded that this is in fact the shortest day of the year,”

“I just want to be clear about this,” said Ridcully. “My senior wizards have spent the evening playing Hide and Seek?”

“No! Too many people have told him what to do. He knows what to do. Just help him get started, all right?

HAVE YOU BEEN NAUGHTY . . . OR NICE? HO. HO. HO.

this machine stops working if we take its fluffy teddy bear away. I just don’t think I want to live in that kind of world.”