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The philosopher Didactylos has summed up an alternative hypothesis as “Things just happen. What the hell.”
Mister Teatime had a truly brilliant mind, but it was brilliant like a fractured mirror, all marvelous facets and rainbows but, ultimately, also something that was broken.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Horses, Death felt, shouldn’t grin. Any horse that was grinning was planning something.
and a sword. It was four feet long and glinted along the blade. The mother took a deep breath. “You can’t give her that!” she screamed. “It’s not safe!” IT’S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY’RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE. “She’s a child!” shouted Crumley. IT’S EDUCATIONAL. “What if she cuts herself?” THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.
“Well, you brought some magic into that little life,” said Albert, as the next child was hurried away. IT’S THE EXPRESSION ON THEIR LITTLE FACES I LIKE, said the Hogfather. “You mean sort of fear and awe and not knowing whether to laugh or cry or wet their pants?” YES. NOW THAT IS WHAT I CALL BELIEF.
for such fruits of civilization as glass beads, mirrors, axes and sexual diseases,
It’s because their minds are so often involved with deep and problematic matters, he told himself, that their mouths are allowed to wander around making a nuisance of themselves.
“Do you like children?” said the oh god. She gave him a look. “Not raw,” she said. “Other people’s are okay. Hold on . . . ”
“No. Have you any idea how hard it is to be normal? The things you have to remember? How to go to sleep? How to forget things? What doorknobs are for?”
IT WASN’T STEALING. IT WAS JUST . . . REDISTRIBUTION. IT WILL BE A GOOD DEED IN A NAUGHTY WORLD. “No, it won’t!” THEN IT WILL BE A NAUGHTY DEED IN A NAUGHTY WORLD AND WILL PASS COMPLETELY UNNOTICED.
Teatime put a comforting arm around his shoulders. “Don’t worry,” he said. “I’m on your side. A violent death is the last thing that’ll happen to you.”
Only comforting if you don't think too hard
YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES. “So we can believe the big ones?” YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.
