Hogfather (Discworld, #20; Death, #4)

by Terry Pratchett

But it was much earlier even than that when most people forgot that the very oldest stories are, sooner or later, about blood. Later on they took the blood out to make the stories more acceptable to children, or at least to the people who had to read them to children rather than the children themselves

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

one of the symptoms of those going completely yo-yo was that they broke out in chronic cats.

IT’S THE EXPRESSION ON THEIR LITTLE FACES I LIKE, said the Hogfather. “You mean sort of fear and awe and not knowing whether to laugh or cry or wet their pants?” YES. NOW THAT IS WHAT I CALL BELIEF.

“Charity ain’t giving people what you wants to give, it’s giving people what they need to get.”

MERE ACCUMULATION OF OBSERVATIONAL EVIDENCE IS NOT PROOF.

CORRECT. STARS EXPLODE, WORLDS COLLIDE, THERE’S HARDLY ANYWHERE IN THE UNIVERSE WHERE HUMANS CAN LIVE WITHOUT BEING FROZEN OR FRIED, AND YET YOU BELIEVE THAT A . . . A BED IS A NORMAL THING. IT IS THE MOST AMAZING TALENT. “Talent?” OH, YES. A VERY SPECIAL KIND OF STUPIDITY. YOU THINK THE WHOLE UNIVERSE IS INSIDE YOUR HEADS.

“It only kills monsters.”

HUMANS ARE SO INTERESTING THAT THEY HAVE EVEN INVENTED DULLNESS.