“Birdie! I need your help.” “What’s that echo?” he says. “Are you…are you in the bathroom?” “Sure am.” There’s a beat of silence. “Please tell me you didn’t call while taking a shit.” I snort. “No, dude. Of course not. I’m just about to anal douche for the first time, and I don’t know if drippage is a concern. But tell me fast because this water is quickly losing its just-under-lukewarm status, and you know how I don’t like to be cold.”
