This Monster of Mine

by Shalini Abeysekara

Because the madman she’d set out to ruin was everything the most desperate, anguished parts of her had always craved.

“I haven’t seen any bodies yet, but I’ll be sure to keep you informed.” She gave each of them a scathing once-over. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to inform the Tetrarch I’m fucking about a very sinister plot to storm his tower.”

“I’m not blaming you.” The words caressed her cheek, prompting an involuntary shiver. “I’m saying that there is nothing wrong with your rage. And I will stand behind you when you choose to exercise it.”

“They say evil can’t pass the High Elsar’s doors.” She shrugged. “I was expecting you to burst into flames.” “Expecting?” He gave her a dark smile. “Or hoping?” “I’d have saved you.” She tilted her head meaningfully to a nearby fountain and the devastating grin she’d witnessed only twice made a return. “I thought I was a havïd sadist.” “You still are.” She strode past him, one hand over her racing heart. His huff of laughter followed her inside.

“You—” She spun to face him, horribly aware that she was crimson. She scowled at the laugh he was barely suppressing. “You aren’t supposed to have a sense of humor.” It came out as accusation. “You’re all blood and terror.” He flashed her a wry grin that threw her even further. “I sound unbearable.”

“I belong to you,” he whispered against her hair. “I will always belong to you.” And she felt the truth of it without any magic.

“He looks better charred,” a beautiful voice murmured. “But I thought you disapproved of burning.” Her lower lip trembled. “You have no obligation to ever forgive me,” the voice continued. “You owe me nothing. But I must ask.” She steadfastly stared straight ahead as his voice grew the slightest bit hoarse. “I seem to be missing a hole in my chest. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?” She exploded. “Of all the havïd things to joke about—” Swiveling toward him, she halted.