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November 9 - November 9, 2024
Because anything that thrills you will hurt that much more when it’s lost.
She smiles, and though she’s barefaced—her hair in a messy bun, her tiny form swimming in an oversized sweatshirt—she’s never looked more beautiful to me.
because the worst things they say about me aren’t nearly as bad as the things I say about myself.
You deserve someone who worships the ground you walk on, Drew. Someone you can lean on. Who cares more about your happiness than his own.”
It’s only a second, but infinity rests within it. And I see exactly what we could have been. I see what he wants, what I want, and how terrifying it would be if it was at all possible. He would be more. He would be the long journey into the unknown. And I’m pretty sure, with him, I could be convinced to try.
“And then, once we’re back in Oahu and I’ve secured you a cappuccino and some Sour Patch Kids, I will ask you why the hell you’re dating my brother and you’ll explain it to me. I’m assuming there must be sorcery involved, as there’s no other logical explanation.”
Sloane was wrong about her. Maybe my feelings for her are messy, but she isn’t. She’s a tiny little fighter, resilient and perfect just as she is. It doesn’t take long, with my breath against her hair and rain lashing the tent, for her to fall asleep. But I lie awake for a long time. I will never forgive my brother for this. I’m going to stay calm tomorrow, until I get her home, and I’ll probably put a good face on things for my mother’s sake. But I’m never going to fucking let this go.
“I was jealous,” he says quietly. “What?” I roll toward him, not understanding. He meets my gaze for only a moment, then his eyes fall closed. “The night we met? The shit I said about you stealing the silver? I was just pissed off and jealous, and I didn’t think he should get to wind up with someone like you. But instead of saying it all, I made it sound like my problem was with you. And I’m so unbelievably sorry you heard that.”
turn to walk away so he won’t see me cry, and have taken exactly one step when he says my name and reaches for me. And that’s all it takes: he closes the distance, pulling me against him, and his hands are cradling my jaw and his mouth is on mine as if it’s always wanted to be there. For one long, breathless moment, nothing exists but him and the way he is kissing me. “I would give anything for things to have been different,” he says. And then he walks away, disappearing into the crowd of people boarding their flight.
Josh was the part that felt like home.
“But I have thought about this for an extremely long time, and I want to savor it.”
“Sometimes,” he says, pulling the sheets over us both, “it’s easier to hate something than admit you’re just pissed off you’ll never have it.”
I want to tell her that I can’t get Sunday night out of my head and that I felt obsessed with her before then, and now it’s like I’m never going to get a full breath again if I don’t manage to see her.
Washington Monument in my back during the camping trip? The moment I realized you kind of liked me?” “I don’t love the fact that you’re calling it little, baby.” I laugh, but my heart warms at the endearment. I doubt it’s one Josh gives out lightly.
“I was in the neighborhood,” he says. He hands me a small white bag and his mouth curves upward. “I heard you wanted brioche.” I stare at him for a moment, blinking back tears. I’ve been given crazy gifts. I’ve been given diamonds and designer dresses. I was once given a car. But I’ve never loved anything as much as I do this brioche in a white paper bag.
“Life isn’t black and white, Drew,” she says. “And you have to learn to live in the gray a little, accept that it can be perfect in all its imperfections.”
But inside I think Not messed up. Resilient. She’s a tiny fighter and I love that about her. I love everything about her, the bad and the good. I want to tell her this, and tell about that bleak moment when I was certain I was going to die, and she was the only thing in my head. I want to make her a thousand promises and then go somewhere with her alone.
