Troubled Waters

by Zee Reneé

Application is a struggle. You can have all these plans, but when it’s time to apply, it’s so easy to get clueless. I tell myself that but faith without works is dead. I have to start moving like I want it.”

“Yeah, ‘cause I’ll pull up on yo lil’ ass, that’s why. Fuck we need to text for? Bring yo ass outside. I’m on that type of time.”

“I didn’t need the fursss or the jewelry! Because material things, it don’t mean much to me!” I walked over to the speaker, pausing the music. “See, she lost me there.” I held up the chains on my neck and flexed my wrist. “I need the furs, the jewelry, the diamonds, all’lat!”

“I always said I’ll mop the ocean dry and drag my coochie across the concrete before I ever propose to a man, but damn! You the type of nigga that make me want to reconsider. Thank you, thank you!

“I’ma be yo first and yo last everything. Welcome to death row, love.”

It was true what they say about trusting God’s timing, though. The lessons I learned from them are the same ones that are shaping me into a man that is allowing himself to love.

The losses I’d experienced in life were slowly coming together for my greater good and it was beautiful to watch it unfold.

There is no such thing as too fast when it is from God. I hope all women can feel what I feel for you. I love you.”

Don’t allow your grass to die while you’re watering others. Innocent can water yours, but certain weeds need to be dug up and replanted by you and you only. Real soul work.”

I don’t need a round of applause for making sure you straight. The day I locked down on you, your battles automatically became mine. Just ‘cause you the one with the scar don’t mean I hurt any less. If I gotta tell you every day that I got you, I will, but I got you, Innocent.

God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the call.

Being vulnerable didn’t make you weak. Pride didn’t make you strong. Being guarded didn’t mean you wouldn't get hurt. Sometimes, the heart just needed to be open to receiving.

So, quit beating up on yourself, little nigga. When you got that dawg in you, it ain’t shit nobody can do to stop you. Fuck the noise. I’m proud of you.”

Black men could cry. Black men could feel. Black men could be depressed. Black men could have moments of weakness. Black men needed a shoulder. Black men could heal, just like everybody else. So, fuck it, a tear a day keeps the pain away.

all you needed was somebody that ain’t play ‘bout you. It’s me, I’m that mutha’fucka that don’t play ‘bout you. Black dresses, slow singing, and flower bringing behind you every mutha’fuckin’ time,”

It didn’t take spending a million dollars to prove your love. Niggas would miss out on a good woman, trying to stroke their own ego. Sometimes, all you need is quality time that focuses on intimacy.

My best advice for people that are struggling is to hold on. I know what they did. I know how they hurt you. I know that person may have left you alone, but you’re here. You’re not your past. You’re not a failure, nor a mistake. God got you. Wait and trust Him. Keep trusting. Keep fighting. Keep pushing. Know that you’re here for a purpose and on purpose. You got this. You are so strong. You. Are. Loved.