Hounded (with two bonus short stories): Book One of The Iron Druid Chronicles

by Kevin Hearne

“Then what do they pay attention to?” “Crude displays of personal wealth.” I stared at the remaining liquid in the blender and hoped that Flidais would get the hint. “Shiny trucks, shiny rocks on their fingers, that sort of thing.”

Ya that about sums it up

The guest is to be treated like a god, because he may, in fact, be a god in disguise.

Ha!!!

“You are telling me that your lawyer is a bloodsucking vampire?”

I mean, they're a lawyer

“The Christians have such muddled ideas of him that he usually can’t take shape beyond the crucifix form, and that isn’t much fun, so he rarely bothers.

Good Gods why does it sound like Harry Dresdon is saying this?

‘A friend will help ye move, Katie, but a really good friend will help ye move a body.’

True friend there

“Yer a good lad, Atticus, mowin’ me lawn and killin’ what Brits come around.”

The world could have used more people like him a few centuries back

Cowardly? Bleh. Tell you what: Let’s debate the meaning of honor and see who lives longer.

How can one freeze and put their hands above their head at the same time? Do they teach cops to shout contradictory instructions at suspects at the academy for some sinister purpose? If I obeyed one cop, did the other cop get to shoot me for resisting arrest?

Where is the lie. Police kind of suck at being clear

<She’s kind of like a Mary Poppins just before she turns to the dark side of the Force,>

Oh the pain Dresden must feel

I thought Sundays were supposed to be relaxing. As a male citizen of America, I’m entitled on Sundays to watch athletic men in tight uniforms ritualistically invade one another’s territory, and while they’re resting I get to be bombarded with commercials about trucks, pizza, beer, and financial services. That’s how it’s supposed to be; that’s the American dream.

That about sums up america

Monty Python is like catnip for nerds. Once you get them started quoting it, they are constitutionally incapable of feeling depressed.

How to solve 2020 101

bodies were one of the few things you couldn’t buy (yet) on Amazon.

So this book was writen pre Amazon Morgue?

the universe is exactly the size that your soul can encompass. Some people live in extremely small worlds, and some live in a world of infinite possibility.

I like this idea. But it it probably means bigots live in the eye of a needle

Cooperation makes fighting unnecessary—or, as Abraham Lincoln once said, “I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends.”

I’m not sure. People used to say obvious things ironically or as a form of understatement, but in the last few decades they seem to say it with a sense of discovery, and it worries me.

Ouch

Gods can screw anything and anybody. For reference, see history.

Zeus!

<Yes, I can. This is America. You said Americans assert their own opinions as if they were facts and dismiss inconvenient facts as mere opinions.>

Smart dog

Sometimes Oberon doesn’t process anything I say, and sometimes he listens to me a bit too well.

Like children