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If this guy killed his wife, she would run out and get a face tattoo.
“Let’s start digging.” Burt pawed at the carpet in the dining area. “Not literally, buddy,” Nick warned him. The dog looked embarrassed.
“I always thought at some point I’d be the best version of myself and that things would come easier then. But nothing is easy. There is no best self. It’s all just hard work and sweaty, painful practice.”
“That’s my dad’s spite cow,” Riley explained to Fred. “He got it to annoy the lady next door.”
Burt joyfully romped outside, most likely to tell his cow friend how weird their humans were.
Riley looked past Nick to where Daisy was rubbing up against the fence, scratching an itch on her hind quarters. Burt followed suit, and the fence wobbled dangerously.
Daisy and Burt took turns nosing a large exercise ball around the backyard until Burt accidentally bit it too hard and it deflated. Daisy let out a mournful moo.
Burt spit out the stick at his feet and trembled with joy.
scent of something rotting.
*eyes*
“It is my fault that Riley was in danger. I was distracted by my infatuation with…ice cream. Riley could have ceased existing, and it would have been my fault.”
“Many of the things you say are nonsensical. Yet now you are providing real wisdom,”
You say some stupid shit man, but wow look at you go
“Learning through living. Have you ever considered becoming a spiritual coach? I feel I have much to learn from you.” “Fifteen. Stick with me, big guy. I’ll show you how to enjoy the world. Twenty.” “A world with ice cream?” Gabe asked, his arms shaking from the plank. “Twenty-four. A world with ice cream and pretty girls who like you a lot.” Gabe smiled shyly. “I like this world you speak of.” “Me too, Mount Rushmore. Me too.”
Burt, however, seemed to enjoy smelling rotting, half-cooked roadkill and nosed the air for more.
*Eyess*
Burt rolled over in his sleep and gave an adorable little grumble.
“My balls are still attached, and this is a ball-dismembering offense.”
Nick’s surgical scar had healed into the shape of a perfect heart.
“Does this show too much boob?” Nick whipped around so fast Riley worried he’d given himself whiplash. But then whiplash would mean a trip to urgent care and missing Santiago family dinner. Gee. Darn.
“That’s because your hands are on my boobs, and you lose the power of thought,”
“Not in the slightest. Now if they’re rude to you, then I’ve got a problem. Words will be had. Dishes thrown. But no matter what, tonight ends the same way it was always going to end.” “How’s that?” “With me inside you.”
“What is this feeling?” he demanded, tugging at his shirt like it was too tight. “It’s horrible. I feel nauseous and sweaty, and I just want to punch Andy in his fucking face. No one besides my sister wants to punch that guy in the face. He’s too agreeable. What’s happening to me?” She chewed on her lip for a second. “Maybe you’re jealous?” “Maybe you’re jealous,” he shot back. “Sorry. Reflex. This isn’t your fault. Of course you have a past. I just never thought about how it would feel to meet your past.” She took his face in her hands and held him still. “Look at me.” “I can’t. I’m looking
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