Into the Fire

by Sadie Hunt

“I can’t speak to Jude and Rafe. Not knowing their stories, I mean.” He smiled. “Touché again.” “But for you…” He lifted a dark eyebrow. “For me?” “Jury’s still out.” He clutched his heart like I’d wounded him. “I deserve that.” “And more,” I said. “And more.” He leaned back, seemed to relax. “It’s okay. I can wait.” “For what?” He closed his eyes. “Whatever you’re willing to give me, sweetheart.” The words sounded strangely suggestive — and even more terrifying than a base jump.

That was the thing no one understood about being in survival mode: there were all these things you could do to make your situation better, all these things you should do to make it better, but you spent so much energy treading water to keep from drowning that doing anything to try and pull yourself out of the undertow seemed impossible.

“Say no, Lilah.” It was almost a command, like he wanted me to say no even though I knew it wasn’t what he really wanted because he was breathing hard too, his hands warm on my cheeks, his eyes the same blue-green as the sea and filled with desire. “Shut up and kiss me before I change my mind,” I said. And then his mouth crashed into mine.

I didn’t stop thrusting until she went limp. Then, I dropped my head to her chest, kissing her silky skin, one word beating through my heart. Mine. Mine, mine, mine. It wasn’t entirely true. Lilah had belonged to all of us — had lived in all our memories, our dreams — since that night in high school.

“I’m not going to ‘get over it,’ but it must be nice to say that to someone like me without an ounce of self-awareness about the fact that the thing I’m supposed to ‘get over' happened because of you.”

“What do you want?” I lifted the stethoscope around my neck. She rolled her eyes. “Really? That’s why you’re here? You want to listen to my heart?” Yes, I thought. I want to listen to your heart. I want to listen to it for the rest of my life. “That, and I want to talk to you.” She sighed and opened the door wider. “Fine.”

I hated that as much as I wanted to protect her — as much as I wanted to give her the fucking world — I also wanted to fuck her. To fucking possess her. For real this time. And I had no right — no fucking right — to want that from her.

Lilah wanted to know. And she didn’t know it, but for Lilah? Well, for Lilah I’d do fucking anything.