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Whatever tiresome society function he had turned up to, a bored latecomer, he knew she would be there, scanning the room for him, her aspect brightening at the mere sight of him. She had not been able to hide it. Toward the end, he had scarcely bothered to even greet his hosts or get a drink before seeking her out. How reckless he had been. Reckless with her reputation and reckless with his heart. It had not been until Italy, on his honeymoon, that he had realized the depth of his own feeling. What a fool he had been.
I want another child, trembled on his lips but bearing his seed might not appeal to her currently, so he quashed that thought.
No, she had stood there, frozen with humiliation, her lips still swollen from his kisses as Jeremy Vance had announced his engagement to another woman.
My God, he thought. This was the Emmeline Ballentine he remembered, the one who wanted him wholeheartedly and could not hide the fact. Thank God. Thank God he had not lost her. He had been so afraid that eager girl was gone.
God. It had nearly killed him when she had been so receptive to his kiss, so clinging and ardent when he knew as soon as it stopped that he would have to walk away from her and make that bloody announcement.
Under the covers, in the forgiving darkness, Emmie pressed her face into the pillow and wept as though her heart would surely break. She wept for that stupid girl who had looked so eagerly for him with so much hope in her heart. That idiot girl who had been so excited to attend all those pretentious parties.
He had barely slept, and when he had, his dreams had been fragmented and disturbing, affording him glimpses of a past which had always been a source of shame for him but now… God. They haunted him. He had always known he had behaved badly but…Christ almighty. He had not had the faintest idea. Not the smallest notion of how devastated Emmeline had been left in the wake of his disgraceful behavior.
Emmeline deserved to feel cherished and adored, nothing less. Not after the appalling way he had treated her in the past. Anything less might make her doubt the sincerity of his feelings.
Truth be told, I didn’t take my blinkers off before she gave me the shock of my life and screamed in my face that she hated my guts.”
