Power Forward (Chicago Thunder, #4)

by Jodi Oliver

Fuck. I hate that my body still comes alive whenever he’s around. A feeling that I’ve only ever experienced with him.

And I hate it even more so because he’s the only person to ever break my heart.

My ex-teammate. My first love. Ha...

Jackson Wilde has always been the one who got away. The one who was the reason why I could never completely hand my heart over to my ex-wife, Zara.

It was because he still owned it. Even now. Almost fourteen years later, he still has a tight hold on me.

My one regret was hurting him, and it’s haunted me ever since.

There was a time when I thought he was the one. That we would grow old and gray together. He would paint the picture of how our life would look after hockey while we were lying in his bed back in Boston. He wanted us to buy a cabin in upstate New York, or maybe even Vermont, where we could cook together before making love in front of the fire—his words, not mine. But looking back, all he did was feed me with empty promises he was never planning to fulfill. Because the moment I got the call telling me I was heading to Los Angeles, I saw something shutter in his eyes. But I ignored it. I was young and naïve enough to believe we would survive. That we’d smash the whole long-distance thing because I was convinced our love was real and strong and could withstand anything the world wanted to throw at us.

I couldn’t have been more wrong. And fourteen years later, those words still cut through me like a knife.

I was never in love with yo...

We went from being inseparable to becoming strangers, and sometimes you don’t truly know the significance of that loss until they’re standing right in front of you again. Like a mirage of someone you once knew.

“I don’t hate you, Hayden,” I tell him, standing upright and turning my body to face him. “But you broke my heart. You threw away the years we spent together just like that.” I snap my fingers. “Like we meant nothing. I’m sorry I’m not going to be happy to see you or be around you. Especially considering this is only the second time I’ve seen you that hasn’t been during a game. But I don’t hate you.”

My kid praised me like I was a dog when I managed to put the mixer on the right speed.

It doesn’t come as a surprise to hear your kids sound incredible. Just like their dad.

“Why this costume? Did you know I was coming in this?”

“When I saw you that day at Zach’s apartment, I noticed your daughter had a backpack with these characters on it. Then you posted the other week on your Instagram about how watching this show with your kids is your favorite part of your morning.”

“I… I guess I wanted to be part of your favorite morning somehow.” He chews the corner of his mouth with his teeth. “All I know is I can’t stop thinking about you.”

All I know is tonight, I might be making the biggest mistake, but I can’t bring myself to care.

So, I throw caution to the wind and worry about the consequences later and slam my lips against his.

I meant what I said earlier. I’m glad you’re here, Cas. You’ve always been important to me. No matter what happens, I want you to remember that.

I was only good because of you.

You always made me want to be better.

I always wanted to impress you.

“And what about you?” I find myself asking.

“What about me?”

“Will I make you...

His eyes shine with so much adoration my breath hitches. “You’ve always made me proud, Jackson. You make ...

This isn’t frantic or desperate. I’m hungry for him, but in a way that I’m trying to tell him without words how much him being here means to me. Not just here in my house, taking care of my kids, but here. Literally. Living and breathing in my arms.

what we had pales compared to the connection I have with Hayden. The strength of the pull between us is magnetic. He lights me up like nobody else. He knows my body better than I know myself.

“I don’t want to fight this anymore, Cas,” I say, sweeping my thumb over his cheek. His day-old stubble scrapes against my skin, and it sends a shiver trickling down my spine that goes straight to my balls. “You’ve shown me how genuine you are about us. Like, fuck, Cas. You dropped everything and flew across the country to come take care of my kids without me even asking…” I shake my head. The back of my eyes sting with the magnitude of how much his actions mean to me. “Thank you.”

It breaks my heart knowing that there was a possibility I could’ve lost him. Sure, he wasn’t mine then and hasn’t been mine for a long time, but knowing there was a chance he could have been successful. That I wouldn’t have gotten the chance to hold him again, to smell him, to kiss him…

“I hear you’ve got some of my hockey cards,” he murmurs.

I laugh softly, hands skimming his ribs.

“Who told you...

“Your...

I snort. Of course Ryan told him. “The little shit. I told him to...

He lifts his head to look at me with one eyebrow raised. “You w...

“I have yours too. I keep them in...

He kisses one corner of my mouth, then the other. “Yeah. It’s alw...

And I know, right there and then, while we exchange tired kisses and gentle strokes of hands over skin, that it’...

“I won’t fail you a second time, Jackson,” I whisper, carding my fingers through his hair. “I swear to you, I’ll be loving you every day for the rest of my life.”

As I watch the three of them laugh and joke over the stolen gingerbread, I make a silent oath that while I’m on this earth, I’ll never do anything to risk hurting them. I’m still a work in progress, and I’m never going to be truly fixed, but they are quickly becoming my entire world.

And I’ll do anything to protect their happiness.

I want to tell him I love him. And that I don’t think I ever really stopped. I want my soul to be next to his for the rest of my life. I want to be with him through everything. The ups and the downs, the good and the bad. I want to be the one to wait on him and to care for him on the days he struggles.

I want to spend every day showing him how much he’s loved. How he’s worthy of every good thing and that he’s the most incredible person I’ve ever known.

I want it all with him. I just hope he w...

“Thank you for opening up about it. I know we can’t do anything to change the past, but I think we both had a lot of growing up to do.” He leans over and captures my lips in a tender kiss. “But we’re here now, and I’m really glad to call you mine again.”

“You’ve always been mine in one way or another. Maybe I just loaned you to Zara for a while.”

“Borrowed, I dunno.” He shrugs, still grinning. “Better than saying I lost you.”

“You never lost me, not fully. I was still there emotionally, I just… took the wrong path.” I take his face in my hands, sifting my fingers through the blond strands on the side of his head. “But it ended up putting me exactly where I needed to be.”

“Have you ever been so scared of failing someone that you question whether they would be better off without you in their life at all? That you love them so wholly, so fucking completely, that you would give up your life, just to spare them any ounce of pain you might cause them?”