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It’s what I did for the entirety of my parents’ divorce. I became a lifelong peacekeeper. I’m always the guy in the middle, the guy who wants to keep the mood positive. I like creating things that make people happy. I don’t like chaos.
But with that desire to please people comes the fear of letting them down. I am constantly worried about being the source of friction. I want everyone to get along. I never want to put my own needs forward in case they upset a precarious balance. This dynamic is what made me the person I am. It gave me the good parts of my personality, as well as the darker parts. It gave me compassion and patience. It also gave me anxiety, hypervigilance, and the constant need for reassurance that everything is okay. Is everything okay? Really?