Second Down Scrooge

by Lisa Suzanne

She’s my motivation to keep fighting, to work harder…to show her mother that I’m not the same guy who sold a video of my teammate to the highest bidder because of my grudge against his whole family. I get it. It was a stupid decision that hurt her best friend since she’s married to that teammate—or former teammate now, anyway.

But ever since Mia was born, I’ve started fighting harder. I want to be someone my daughter can be proud of someday, and to me, that means being a starter. It also meant withdrawing my membership at the club, though it hasn’t come up with Kelly since I left. We all slip up sometimes. We take advantage of situations when we see ways they’ll benefit us. It’s not right, but it’s the example my mother led by, and it’s all I’ve ever known. As I stare down at a picture of my little girl on my phone’s lock screen, I realize how very badly I want to break the cycle. I don’t want Mia to be like me, and maybe it’s for the best for her to only get to see me once a week. But I want more. I wish I could have more. The thought of coming in second to Mia—to some other guy her mother starts seeing who might get more time with her than I do—tears me apart. It claws at me and hurts like the worst sort of pain I’ve ever known. But her mother isn’t seeing anyone right now, so I’m holding onto hope that someday she’ll change her mind about me. Maybe that means changing who I am, too. Maybe it means stepping up the way Kelly would want me to.

You know…that strange feeling that maybe Austin would fit right into the picture even better than I could dream. My parents already love him. My daughter worships him. I think I love him, too. But I just don’t know if I can trust that he won’t hurt the people I care about…or me. And that’s a risky gamble to take when it comes to my heart.