The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance – What Women Should Know

by Katty Kay

Even if you make the wrong decision, she says, decide. It’s better than inaction.

Simply put, a woman’s brain is not her friend when it comes to confidence. We think too much and we think about the wrong things.

You might think that focusing more on yourself would be the natural stepping-stone to confidence.

Actually, the opposite is true, especially for women. For most of us, thinking about our feelings and abilities, judging ourselves, and making ourselves the stars of our own melodrama, tend to inhibit and paralyze us.

come up with your own response list appropriate for your needs: Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate that thought.

Often, women just seem to have the spotlight thing backward. We want to shine a bright light on our faults, insecurities, and the outlandish reasons we will surely fail, but when it comes to taking credit or enjoying our triumphs, we step into the shadows,

We have to find ways to take in compliments and own our accomplishments rather than relying on dismissals and assertions of luck and self-deprecation.

Practice. A willingness to learn. Those are now her go-to confidence boosters

projecting yourself effectively is a constant test of confidence. Often you have to steel yourself, overcome your natural self-consciousness, and command your vocal cords to follow your will.

Researchers say the questioning style serves a clear purpose for women: It is a psychological safety net; it discourages interruptions and encourages reassurance. So, when we’re unsure of ourselves—not because we don’t have the knowledge, but because we are nervous about sticking our necks out—we unconsciously make our comment sound like a question in order to deflect criticism.

Meditate. A calm brain is the ultimate confidence tool, and meditation is so common and valuable

Be grateful. New research shows that gratitude is one of the keys to happiness and an optimistic mind-set.

Think small. Battle feelings of being overwhelmed by breaking it down. Teasing out the individual parts of a challenge, and accomplishing even one-tenth of it, can give you a confidence boost.

Sleep, move, share—in any order. Yes, we sound like your mother, but it’s true.

Practice power positions. Sitting up straight will give you a short-term confidence boost,

Here’s a better way to reframe the premise for a quick confidence jump-start: Don’t pretend to be anything or anyone—simply take action. Do one small brave thing, and then the next one will be easier, and soon confidence will flow.

Reach for the bottle. When all else fails, you can always use the oxytocin spray.

Teaching a child to accept and even embrace struggle, rather than shy away from it, is a crucial step along the path toward instilling confidence. You are showing the child that it’s possible to make progress without being perfect.

We should draw up a list of twenty small things our kids need to be able to do to cope with life.”

Perfection is the enemy of the good. It’s also the enemy of confidence.

Supergirls Speak Out: Inside the Secret Crisis of Overachieving Girls, Liz Funk

even when confidence is fully expressed, the style and behavior of that expression does not have to be a factory-built, generic display.

We don’t always have to speak first; we can listen, and incorporate what others say, and perhaps even rely on colleagues to help make our point. We can pass credit around, and we can avoid alienating potential enemies. We can speak calmly but carry a smart message. One that will be heard. Confidence, for many of us, can even be quiet.

women who can combine male and female qualities do better than everyone else, even the men. How do they define the male qualities? Aggression, assertiveness, and confidence. The feminine qualities? Collaboration, process orientation, persuasion, humility.

dare the difference,” she continues. “Make it your selling point. Don’t try to measure yourself, your performance, your popularity, against the standards and the yardsticks and the measurements that men have used before you. Because you start from a different perspective, you have a different platform, you want to push different initiatives, and you should be authentic about it.

Think Less. Take Action. Be Authentic.