The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance – What Women Should Know

by Katty Kay

Petitto agrees that environment modifies predispositions, but not totally. From birth, for example, some babies are labeled “high arousal,” and some “high attentive.” High attentives are kids who can usually stimulate themselves; they tend not to be bored. They are often more confident, because they don’t need a high degree of external validation to tell them that they are competent. High arousal babies, however, are often those who are inconsolable and demand attention. They can become the teenagers who end up in trouble. “As kids, they are the ones who constantly go for danger, who find high-risk danger delicious. They can be raised by nuns but still grow up and look for danger,” Petitto says with a laugh.

When men are in the majority, women speak 75 percent less.

So, rather than repeatedly telling your friend she’s great, try encouraging her to take action instead. Often, it takes just one suggestion—one comment from a friend or coworker. “You should consider that city council seat.” “I’m sure you could handle the supervisory job. You should go for it.” We can help each other most by giving each other permission to act. One little nudge might be all we need.

got from 23andMe in its emailed summary was extensive—a detailed road map to future health hazards. It covers genetic links to many major illnesses, and as we scrolled through we traced our prospects of succumbing to everything from Alzheimer’s to heart disease. We had leapt somewhat blithely into the new frontier of gene testing, but when you see your potential future laid out in black and white, it’s a sobering moment. We were mostly lucky; there were no life-altering surprises in our DNA. We also learned cool, if somewhat random, facts about ourselves. Katty has genes similar to those of some of the world’s greatest sprinters. (A shame she gave up running in high school.) And she apparently can’t distinguish bitter tastes well. Claire’s genetics confirm that the family lore about a Native American great-great-great-great-grandmother is likely accurate, and she’s since had dozens of follow-up notices about potential DNA relatives. The results of our psychological gene profiling were much more of a surprise. 23andMe was able to test the worrier/warrior or COMT gene for us. Claire had been certain

Perhaps ours is a breed of confidence that even allows for displays of vulnerability and the questioning of our decisions. Indeed, psychologists are coming to see that there may be an unexpected, untapped power in learning to express our vulnerability, and that for many, doing so can lead to more confidence.

Gillibrand is fed up with what she considers the bogus assumption that, in the Senate, he who talks the loudest or longest is somehow the most effective. Her sentiments are reinforced by the findings of a recent Stanford University study: Female members of Congress get significantly more legislation passed than do the men, and work more often with members of the other party.

Think Less. Take Action. Be Authentic.