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July 24 - July 25, 2025
Can’t you hear them? Tori had said. They are knocking at the gates. What I didn’t say aloud was that I thought I could, but only in my dreams. It was a distant rhythm, a steady thrum that matched the beat of my heart.
“The Elohai are descendants of the Elohim,” she continued. “The Elohim are Eryx and Ashur, the creators of humankind and the true gods of our world. They are trapped beneath Mount Seine, behind the Seventh Gate, and have been for thousands of years.”
“They are with the Order of the Serpent,” she said. I raised my brows. I’d never heard of such a group. “And who are they?” “Your church would call us witches, but the magic we practice is no different from the magic they steal from the Elohai. It is only witchcraft when it does not serve the archbishop.” Well, that hit close to home. “We are women who are tired of giving away our power,” she said. “Aren’t you tired?”
“Someday I will have to watch you marry another man, and it will be far easier to do if I never fuck you.” Zahariev That was a lie. It was never going to be easy.
“You’re such a daddy.” “You only get to call me that when you behave,” he said. My gaze snapped back to him. His expression was serious, which made me feel like he wasn’t joking. “The day I behave is the day you fuck me, Zahariev,” I said. “Two things that will never happen.”
“I left because your beloved archbishop raped me,” I said. “I left because you never once considered that maybe the reason I’d wavered in my faith was because the man in charge of it had touched me. I left because I didn’t trust you to protect me. You never have. Not from Mom, not from the church, and not from this fucking world.”
“Two years! Two years and all you thought about was who would succeed you, because despite being your own flesh and blood, I am still not worth as much as a man, even the one who hurt me.” I paused, lifting my chin. “When you think of your legacy, I hope you remember this moment and how you failed me.” As soon as the words left my lips, the power went out.
In the aftermath of my confession, we’d both become new people. I was stronger than before, more sure than I’d ever been in my life, but my father, he was weaker, a little less of the man he’d been when I’d walked in, and I didn’t care. He deserved to know the truth. He deserved to break beneath it the way I had.
“You want me to do something about it?” he asked. “You can’t,” I said. “Not without starting a war.” “I would go to war for you,” he said.
“I would go to war for you,” he said again. “I would fight endlessly to keep you if that’s what you wanted.”
“I am not worth everything you would lose, Zahariev,” I said. “You are worth it,” he said. “But I’ll wait until you ask.” I would never ask, but his offer meant everything to me.
“You are so quick to jump to the conclusion that I am not on your side. When have I not chosen you?”
He deserved to know that the words and guidance he called gospel had come from the mouth of an abuser, a liar, a fake. It was just that he was dead now, and I had no way of knowing if he would have finally chosen me.
I could feel her prodding at the edge of my mind, her touch as coarse as the desert sand. At first, she was kind. Dark mother? she whispered, but I did not answer. Revered queen, she murmured, but I did not stir. Goddess? she crooned, but I did not rise. Then all at once, she became a howling wind, whirling around me, shrieking. Beware the serpent and his poisonous tongue. He will take your flesh on the steps of your altar. He will lie in your crimson blood. Beware the deceiver and his silver tongue. He will turn your temple into his monument. Beware the awakening, the heat of this fire. It
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Hold me tighter, Zahariev, she’d said. If I did, could I keep her from breaking?
Fucking demon blobs.
Lmao
“You are a coward, Zahariev.” His jaw ticked and his eyes darkened. “If I were a coward, I would have walked away from you a long time ago.” “You think you’re brave for handling me?” “No one handles you, Lilith,” he said. “Good fucking luck to the man who tries.”
“You don’t think I carry you wherever I go? You are unshakable. A menace. Sometimes, I think I would do anything to fuck it out of you, this goddamn defiance, even though it won’t work. Even though it’s what I adore most about you. I guess I just think it would be fun to try.”
“I’d follow you anywhere.”
Holy woman, Mother of the dark world, Hold tight to your anguish, carry it deep Revel in the burn, that sweet agony Make your mark and open your mouth, Fill the night with your sacred screams Shatter the earth and never know peace.
She will ascend from the womb of her enemy, A temptress cloaked in night, a nightmare bound in chains. Her cries will rattle the earth. Her blood will break the gates.
I’d never been the center of anyone’s world before, always more of an inconvenience. I used to think Zahariev believed the same, but now I knew the truth. He hadn’t taken care of me out of obligation or as a favor to my father. He’d taken care of me because I was his entire universe.
“I’m sorry I’m only now seeing you,” I said. His gaze was steady as he stretched over me. “Don’t apologize, little love,” he said. “I could have remained invisible to you, and my devotion to you would be unchanging.”
“What does it mean? To be yours?” I asked. He smiled softly. “Whatever you want,” he said. “I’ll always be here, following in your shadow. I am not afraid of your freedom.”
They will call her a demon, but I watched her transform, and I will call her goddess.
