Terror at the Gates (Blood of Lilith, #1)

by Scarlett St. Clair

It wasn’t until then I realized everything the church had tried to say about women was a lie. We were not responsible for lust in men. We existed, and they desired.

Beware she who bleeds, bound in chains. Beware the exile, the young winged beast, who dances unafraid before fire. Beware the woman with many names, the maiden, the whore, the scarlet serpent. Beware the temptress who whispers in the dark. She is the beginning and the end. She is peace and chaos. She is terror knocking at the gates.

They didn’t believe people in the other districts had problems; they only knew their own suffering.

Those who commune with spirits commune with demons.

A warm flush crept into my cheeks, and my heart beat a little harder. I’d never been so vulnerable with another person before. I felt a collision of emotions inside me, a heady embarrassment I wasn’t sure I liked.

He had cared enough to check on me, cared enough to hold me, cared enough to stay with me until he was sure I wouldn’t be alone.

“I heard you touched my girl,” I said. She wasn’t mine. She wasn’t anyone’s. But I was the dealer of her justice. Her vengeance was mine.

“I know you want an enemy here,” he said. “But I’m not it, little love.”

I also didn’t want to think long or hard on what Lilith had said in the dining room. You act like this has to mean something. Fucking brat. She meant everything.

“Forgiveness is overrated. It’s just something churchgoers shove down your throat so they can beg for it when they sin.”

“Promise me something,” he said, still watching me. “What?” “If you ever feel like you don’t want to do this anymore…tell me. Give me the chance to bring you back.”

For the first time in my life, I found myself wishing I was like my mother and had armor around my heart. Maybe this was how it happened, one painful blow after the other, until one day, you woke up and felt nothing at all.

“I would go to war for you,” he said again. “I would fight endlessly to keep you if that’s what you wanted.”

“You don’t think I carry you wherever I go? You are unshakable. A menace. Sometimes, I think I would do anything to fuck it out of you, this goddamn defiance, even though it won’t work. Even though it’s what I adore most about you. I guess I just think it would be fun to try.”

That was when I realized I was wrong, that there was no difference between what I wanted and what I would choose. The answer had always been Zahariev.

“So…you aren’t opposed?” I didn’t want his approval exactly. I just wanted to know I wasn’t alone in my desire for justice. “No. Even if I were, you’d go anyway, and I’d still follow.” He paused. His gaze was gentle, thoughtful as he studied my face. “I’d follow you anywhere.”

When I was younger, I always thought the spires atop the church looked like teeth. It’s a monster, I’d said. He wants to swallow the sky. My mother had not appreciated my imagination and told me that was an evil thing to say, so I thought it instead.

I’d never been the center of anyone’s world before, always more of an inconvenience. I used to think Zahariev believed the same, but now I knew the truth. He hadn’t taken care of me out of obligation or as a favor to my father. He’d taken care of me because I was his entire universe.

“I’m sorry I’m only now seeing you,” I said. His gaze was steady as he stretched over me. “Don’t apologize, little love,” he said. “I could have remained invisible to you, and my devotion to you would be unchanging.”

They will call her a demon, but I watched her transform, and I will call her goddess.