One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way

by Robert Maurer

Kaizen has two definitions: using very small steps to improve a habit, a process, or product using very small moments to inspire new products and inventions

Gratitude is often considered an element of spirit or purpose. But what are we expected to be grateful for? Innovation calls for financial gains, promotions, and possessions to stoke the fires of gratitude. But kaizen invites us to be grateful for health, for our next breath, for the moments with a friend or colleague. When famous songwriter Warren Zevon was suffering from terminal cancer, David Letterman asked him what wisdom he gleaned from his illness. Zevon’s answer was pure kaizen: “Enjoy every sandwich.”

“When you improve a little each day, eventually big things occur. When you improve conditioning a little each day, eventually you have a big improvement in conditioning. Not tomorrow, not the next day, but eventually a big gain is made. Don’t look for the big, quick improvement. Seek the small improvement one day at a time. That’s the only way it happens—and when it happens, it lasts.”

As your small steps continue and your cortex starts working, the brain begins to create “software” for your desired change, actually laying down new nerve pathways and building new habits. Soon, your resistance to change begins to weaken. Where once you might have been daunted by change, your new mental software will have you moving toward your ultimate goal at a pace that may well exceed your expectations. That’s exactly what happened to Julie. After a few weeks of very limited exercise, she was shocked to find herself exercising even when she didn’t have to. Those first small steps laid down the neural network for enjoying the change.

Adults, I believe, assume that if they are living correctly, they can control the events around them. When fear does appear, it seems all wrong—so adults prefer to call it by the names for psychiatric disease. Fear becomes a disorder, something to put in a box with a tidy label of “stress” or “anxiety.” This approach to fear is unproductive. If your expectation is that a well-run life should always be orderly, you are setting yourself up for panic and defeat. If you assume that a new job or relationship or health goal is supposed to be easy, you will feel angry and confused when fear arises—and you’ll do anything to make it disappear.

When life gets scary and difficult, we tend to look for solutions in places where it is easy or at least familiar to do so, and not in the dark, uncomfortable places where real solutions might lie.

So the single person who fears intimacy might change jobs or cities, working to improve an already-good career rather than venture into the deep end of the pool close to home, where intimacy might be experienced. People who are not taking care of their health or who are ignoring an unsatisfying marriage might purchase a new home or a second home and focus on that venture instead. People with low self-esteem might leap into cosmetic surgery or a crash diet and exercise regimen, focusing on caloric intake and food groups rather than facing themselves and their self-critical natures.

In effect, fear can cause you unconsciously to sabotage your best intentions.

I’ve run into many people who are unhappy in their current careers but cannot think of anything else they’d like to do. Most of these people have been trained to think of a job as a way to earn money—and that’s all. Their brains have never been programmed to answer the question What kind of job could bring me pride and pleasure? In this case, I suggest finding friends who enjoy their jobs and asking: What is one aspect of your job that makes you happy? The answers can stimulate thought about the sources of pleasure at work.

This question is for anyone who has a festering conflict with another person, whether a boss, employee, in-law, or neighbor, and is trying to get past this problem. Every day, ask yourself: What’s one good thing about this person? You may soon find yourself seeing the person’s strengths with the same clarity and in the same detail as you do their weaknesses.

In fact, small rewards have an especially useful place when incremental steps just aren’t possible.

Instead, Pryor broke her journey down into a series of distinct segments—walking to the subway station, changing trains, taking the stairs to her classroom. Each time she completed a segment, she allowed herself a square of chocolate. In this way she was training herself to associate each segment of the journey with pleasure. “In a few weeks,” she says, “I was able to get all the way to class without either the chocolate or the internal struggle.”

When you’re implementing a plan for change but find yourself bored, restless, and stuck, look around for hidden moments of delight. People who are most successful at improving their health habits are those who can transform exercise or eating well into a source of excitement and pride. My clients have taught me that this holds true for other goals as well. So don’t assume that happiness will arrive with your size 6 jeans (or your newly robust marriage, or your organized closet). Instead, focus on the moments of change that bring you pleasure. I know it sounds tough, but most people are able to come up with at least one moment they’ve enjoyed.

When people tell me that they are bored in their current relationships, I suggest that they try kaizen. You may wish to do this as well. Train yourself to focus on the small, positive aspects of your partner. Instead of focusing on the big flaws, or waiting for a horse-drawn carriage ride or trip to Paris, appreciate him or her for small gestures, a pleasing tone of voice, or a kind touch.

One mistake many people make during this process is to praise their partners only for their actions. “You’re such a good cook,” we say, or “you did a great job trimming the hedges.” But if your partner receives compliments only for the services he provides, he may begin to feel like an employee. Instead, try to identify one moment each day during which you can praise your partner’s personality or appearance. Try “I love the way your hair looks in the morning,” or “I love how excited you get on the way to the movies.” Acknowledging these small moments reassures your partner that she is loved as a person, not just as a homemaker or breadwinner.