One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way

by Robert Maurer

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

Adults, I believe, assume that if they are living correctly, they can control the events around them. When fear does appear, it seems all wrong—so adults prefer to call it by the names for psychiatric disease. Fear becomes a disorder, something to put in a box with a tidy label of “stress” or “anxiety.”

In effect, fear can cause you unconsciously to sabotage your best intentions.

use times of difficulty to remember that fear is the body’s gift, alerting us to a challenge.

The more we care about something, the more we dream, the more fear shows up.

Instead of responding with playfulness, our brain, sensing the fear, suppresses creativity and shuts down access to the cortex (the thinking part of the brain) when we need it most.

They allow the brain to focus on problem-solving and, eventually, action.

I believe that the mere act of posing the same question on a regular basis and waiting patiently for an answer mobilizes the cortex.

When fear is quiet, the brain can take in the questions and then pop out answers on its own timetable.

that feeling you might call “writer’s block” is actually fear.

Although you can’t force your brain to cough up creative ideas on demand, you can program it to launch the imaginative process simply by asking yourself a small question.

What kind of job could bring me pride and pleasure?

What is one aspect of your job that makes you happy?

this: If I were guaranteed not to fail, what would I be doing differently?

What is one small step I could take toward reaching my goal?

What is one small step I could take to improve my health (or relationships, or career, or any other area)?

yourself: Is there a person at work or in my personal life whose voice and input I haven’t heard in a long time? What small question could I ask this person?

What’s one good thing about this person?

Mind sculpture takes advantage of cutting-edge neuroscience, which suggests that the brain learns best not in large dramatic doses—Just do it!—but in very small increments, smaller than ever believed possible.

In this way, you can approach a difficult task with a purely mental rehearsal, avoiding the unproductive fear that comes with the “feet-first” strategy. You can train your brain by small increments to develop the new set of skills it needs to actually engage in this task.

Never force the process of kaizen; it works only if you let change happen in a comfortable and easy manner.

Since it’s much easier for most self-critical people to be kind to others, try imagining that you are comforting a friend or a small child who has made the same mistake or has the same flaw you see in yourself. Hear that person saying the damaging things you say to yourself, such as “I’m a bad person” or “I’ll never get it right!” Now imagine yourself comforting that person. Experience the love and compassion you’d feel toward someone who is suffering in this way. What gestures and words would you use?

If you’d like to repair a ruptured personal relationship, first think of one thing the other person does to push your buttons, leading you to overreact or to avoid that person. Now picture that person performing the irritating behavior and imagine yourself responding in a manner you’d find ideal. How would your body feel? Would it cool down instead of heating up? What would you like to say and in which tone of voice? What posture would you like to assume?

Small actions trick the brain into thinking: Hey, this change is so tiny that it’s no big deal. No need to get worked up. No risk of failure or unhappiness here. By outfoxing the fear response, small actions allow the brain to build up new, permanent habits—at a pace that may be surprisingly brisk.

Note that this gradual buildup to a steady program is the exact opposite of the usual pattern, in which a person starts off with a burst of activity for a few weeks, but then returns to a comfortable spot on the couch.

Remember that your goal is to bypass fear—and to make the steps so small that you can barely notice an effort.

This self-reliance is a frequently used but very poor strategy for coping with life’s adversity. That’s because we are biologically “wired” to reach out for support when we’re stressed; it’s in our nature.

Research demonstrates that people who use a journal to chart their emotions receive many of the same physical and psychological benefits as those who talk to a doctor or minister or friend.

What small, trivial step could you take that might improve the quality of your health?

Or how about the goal of reconciling with an estranged parent? Throwing an extravagant reunion event could have a paralyzing effect on both parties.

For many people, that first step may be to devote one minute a day to thinking about the parent’s positive qualities.

Another first step—useful if a parent is a stern figure of authority—is to spend one minute a day wondering about that parent’s fears or insecurities.

You’ll know you’re ready when your current step becomes automatic, effortless, and even pleasurable.

Excellent studies have suggested that people who respond to life’s challenges with anger are seven times more likely to die prematurely from heart disease than those with the same lifestyle (including similar exercise and dietary habits) but different temperament.

“Confront the difficult while it is still easy; accomplish the great task by a series of small acts.” —Tao Te Ching

Be sure to bring up the shortcoming and note how the candidate responds. The Harvard Business Review has reported that it’s much more efficient to leave a position empty than to fill it with the wrong person.

If your inner voice is harsh and angry at you for not making the change sooner, it will demand a bigger step than may be practical.

Remember, you are counting on the repetition of the small step to “program” the brain for the life changes you wish to make.

Even small signs that you are resisting the small step—that you are having to push yourself to do the step—are an indication that the step is too big, inviting the amygda...

But if we are blind to the small, manageable problems, we are more likely to slip into despair.

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” —Aesop, “The Lion and the Mouse”

Small Rewards:

“How do you know you are loved?”

At work, you could ask a colleague or employee an alternative question: “How do you know you are appreciated?”

If you tend to be your own worst critic, you might try an honest self-compliment as your reward.

Other good ideas include taking soaks in the tub, taking short walks, playing your favorite piece of music, making a phone call to a friend, getting a shoulder or foot massage from your partner, or taking a few moments to drink your morning coffee in the luxury of bed.

“Most of us miss out on life’s big prizes. The Pulitzer. The Nobel. Oscars. Tonys. Emmys. But we’re all eligible for life’s small pleasures. A pat on the back. A kiss behind the ear. A four-pound bass. A full moon. An empty parking space. A crackling fire. A great meal. A glorious sunset. Hot soup. Cold beer. Don’t fret about copping life’s grand rewards. Enjoy its tiny delights. There are plenty for all of us.” —from an advertisement for United Technologies Corporation

using a pleased tone of voice when receiving a phone call from the partner, as opposed to an exasperated tone or a rushed pace that implied the partner’s call was interrupting important tasks

putting down the remote control, newspaper, or telephone when the other partner walked through the door

arriving home at the promised time—or at least calling if there was a delay