Blood of Hercules (Villains of Lore, #1)

by Jasmine Mas

who are actual sociopaths.

Definitely how a medical professional talks

“I’m probably boring you, since you already know all this.”

Just had to do a quick exposition dump for the reader, you know how it is

A marriage law at twenty-six? I’d be a child bride.

How I felt after my friend got married

Having to touch another person sexually. Hard pass.

Oh but I thought you were the teenage pervert

“Also, try not to slip and break your neck,” he said. “That would be inconvenient.”

The book would be so much better if she did bc it’d be shorter

I’ve seen crazy things in my life, but these last two weeks take the cake.”

The concept of a magical, immortal snake saying “take the cake”

I noticed the shirt smelled like amber and fire, and the pants smelled like mint.

Absolutely diabolical fragrance combination. The ex-bath and body works employee in me is crying

he would never abandon a daughter unless there was something extremely wrong with you.”

Are we talking about the same zeus

It would tear you into pathetic pieces and boil your womb. You can’t even fathom what we feel.” Riveting. Sounds like an average menstrual cycle.

Ha ha. So relatable, am I right

My stress levels were at an all-time high; I needed numbers to calm me.

Her olympian superpower is autism

Then the creaking resumed.

So she’s a pervert and wrote fanfiction but she doesn’t know what sex is? Okay

Paul (post shovel-to-the-head incident)

The joke was kinda funny the first time but you lose me the instant you start repeating it

Neighbor Paul (pre-shovel)

Oh my god STOP

Touché.

France canonically still exists

He could also benefit from a few whacks of a shovel.

Stop making the joke jesus christ

He smiled meanly.

Okay alex aster

I want whatever fancy Spartan antidepressants he’s on.

Strange that antidepressants are still a thing considering all the other standards of living that get neglected in this world

desperate to put separation between us.

I don’t think this book had an editor

She’d been so helpless, at my complete (nonexistent) mercy,

UGH I don’t want to hear men speak

But with him, it made sense, since he was scarred and tormented, just like me.

Men suffer in silence am I right

Like recognized like.

Okay sjm

Personally, I preferred to be mentally weak—it made life more interesting. Will I kill myself today dramatically or barely survive? Every day was a new mystery.

I’m so desensitized to her saying stuff like this now. What’s the point? I feel like it’s only an attempt to be Relatable

Smoldering black eyes glanced at me spitefully, like he foresaw a coma in my future. Same.

Hey if she’s in a coma then at least she’ll shut up

Since he’s past twenty-six, does that mean he has to marry this year? His poor spouse.

He’ll probably try to marry alexis bc she’s just so super special and also hot

I blamed my state of exhaustion for noticing the dozens of veins on Augustus’s tan forearm. It was unfair how attractive he was.

Ok that came out of absolutely nowhere

I wonder if there’s an inappropriate drawing of him on the Spartan Lifestyle Page?

Okay but you screamed ay the sight of penis?? Where is the consistency

I made a whale sound. He did not make one back. This is why I don’t talk to people. They never understand me.

I think alexis should be shot

A man was speaking, so I stopped listening.

This is sooo performative considering that she’s 100% going to end up in a romantic relationship with at least one horrible man

Please let him have a normal-shaped penis.

I wish you were normal good lord

He really was sinfully handsome. Not that I noticed.

I hate when romantasy books do this

I’ve got my eye on someone. One might even say I’m becoming—obsessed.” Uh, why is he looking at me?

Honey are you stupid

Marry Carl Gauss and bear his children in the afterlife.

I’m just going to keep pointing out how weird this is

During the day, the feminine urge to lead a fictional revolt plagued me.

This tiktok language is unbearable

I turned my attention to the floor and wished I’d never gained consciousness.

I also wish that

Free the nipple, lips (vaginal),

WHY DID SHE BRING IT BACK?

Hallelujah, it’s raining men

So this world doesn’t persecute thieves and murderers but it has antidepressants and the same pop culture landscape. Got it

Who is he speaking to?

She says this when in the literal paragraph before, she says he’s staring right at her. Being stupid isn’t cute

Satan: 1. Alexis: 0.

Ok I just realized this. There are still christians in this word, despite the obvious existence of titans/olympians?

I knew you had it in you, bestie. Pussy power, crush the patriarchy!

Maybe women shouldn’t have rights if they’re gonna write stuff like this

That man LOATHES you. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to murder you—in bed.

Ah, romance

But in a very real sense, I had no clue what she was talking about.

Do you know what sex is or not jesus christ

I fisted my hands.

Idk if that’s how that’s described

Alexis was delicate, just like my sister, Helen,

See this guy is giving love interest vibes but why did he just compare her to his sister

It wasn’t about women being as tough as men; it was about the fact that they shouldn’t have to be. Spartan women were rare and needed to be protected at all costs. The future of our society depended on keeping them safe.

I’m gonna hope to god he’s meant to be an unreliable narrator and this is not reflective of the book’s actual message. I know I’m being delusional but I think that’s ok

My fingers itched, and I fisted them.

I don’t like that he keeps saying fisted

I was going to keep her, and all the women under my charge, safe, whether she fucking wanted it or not.

Okay…

My silk boxers grew tight, and I instantly loathed myself.

Yeah I loathe you too

I was older than her, and I was her professor.

Close enough, welcome back Chu Wanning and that dude from Gothikana. I forgot his name

Who knew evil had such wide shoulders and a tapered waist? I wanted to shoot myself.

I WISH YOU WOULD

male thotch (thigh-crotch)

Kourself (kill yourself)