Maybe for the Summer

by Aubreé Pynn

“I ain’t fuckin’ fire it though. And I could’ve lit that bitch up. But I didn’t. See… that’s growth shit.”

This wasn’t a woman he could hit and forget. She was going to live in his dreams, haunt him down and beckon him to drink from her river. She was going to make a mess of him. A beautiful, beautiful mess of controlled chaos.

Like an addict, he needed another hit of her. She was a mystery.

nothing snatched away is ever a loss.

“The women who were raised to be good girls always end up with gangstas. The roses that grew out the concrete. The overlooked. Clean them up and elevate them. Enjoy the ride, Day. I got to say, it’s been the most rewarding journey of my life,”

he knew that they wouldn’t be able to put a lid on what they started. This pull between them was magnetic. There was a sense of finality.

But the measure of success is how many people are successful next to you.

If she hadn’t been the sweetest dream he had, it would be nightmares of something he never thought himself worthy of.

To have the warmth of her soul shine light on his.

Daysha was a woman who required more – depth, love, patience, respect. And oddly enough, Julius wanted to study, research, and understand exactly how to be that. Because another man having what she possessed and mishandling it would drive him crazy.

“And you can’t run off when that bull starts bulling, you got to step in, sink your heels in or the soles on your little designer sneakers and talk to that nigga. That’s the nigga only we get to see. The more he’s gone off you, the more that bull is gonna pop out. So prepare yourself to stay if you staying. If not, don’t hype us up to let us down.”

“Again. You aren’t letting him touch you again. I know dick imprint when I see it. Ohh, soft love from a roughneck nigga is literally the best.”

Fear ain’t nothing but a faint reminder that you still got a heart and soul.”

“So you bloom. I want to watch you bloom for me. Don’t take your eyes away from me. You hear me?”

He was teetering on the edge of making a home out of her. But before he did, he needed to know if his heart was safe in her garden. If he watered her soil, would she protect what they made.

“And that kitty ain’t little, baby. Phat Ma is a whole thunder cat.”

“Butterfly?” Julius nodded. “Yeah, adding beauty to everything you land on. Got me trying to be your garden and shit.”

“You weren’t fed until I fed you. And apparently I was thirsty before I drunk from you. So we even.”

She would let him talk, let him take up space, let him be as vulnerable as he needed to.

love was more than the feeling – the butterfly’s, desire, and admiration. Love was support, intimacy, trust, and the ability to pick up where the other lacked.

“Because I’m daddy. Now tell daddy what mama needs.” “Deep and slow? Face in the pillow.” “Turn over,”

“Until the life leaves my body, I’m with you. And even then, you got my soul anchored to you. Locked in, Butterfly.”

“You want me to bend that ass over and pull your hair.” “Don’t forget that choke and stroke.”

I was the gift. I just keep giving and giving

“You keep on saving my life, Lotus.”

“Father God. Thank you for our bundle of joy. We pray that it’s development is covered and blessed. We ask that you cover us. Heal the places of our hearts that we don’t reveal and the parts of our minds we feel like we can’t control. Lord, we ask that whatever we allowed to hurt us, whatever trauma we’re carrying and can’t put words to, You heal it. Use our tests and trials to show other’s how to trust themselves. And while I have you, Lord, please wrap your arms around this man. Provide him comfort and protection. That whatever attack that has been planned against his life and his mind fails. In Your mighty name, amen.”

We can’t control anyone else, only ourselves.

“You know you got one worthy of wifin’ when you know.”

“If you never told me you loved me, it’s in everything you did tonight. Thank you, baby. On everything.”

“God, I don’t know,” she whispered. “I don’t know what to do. But I need him. And I need him to be better. We need him. It’s not the money or the security. It’s because this is what You gave me and I told You that when You gave me what was mine, I’d take care of it. And that I’d love without condition. It’s very hard to love him right now. It’s hard for him to love him right now. You have to show me how to do this and how to do it right.”

“We always protect the queen.”

Because while you are entitled to feel what you feel, and they are valid, your actions are not.

You own my heart, you shepherd my soul. You make every day feel like summer.”