In Love with the Devil

by Sky Blu

This is for all my fellow girls who have always been attracted to the dark, evil boys and melt every time he says, “You can take it… Aw, that’s my good little whore.” Now… Be a good, little filthy slut and read on.

It was the most luscious night of my entire life. The sensation of her body breaking under my will, her tears, her cries, screaming at the excruciating pain, her pleas, her weak attempts at escape … Those are the only memories that bring out my full genuine smile.

Pretending to be the good guy is slowly pushing me to a psychotic break.

Oh, pretty bird, if only you knew the predator who’s admiring your lovely colors.

“From now on, you’re gonna come no matter which hole I’m fucking, no matter how much it hurts. You’re going to beg me to fill all of those pretty, tight holes with my come because you’re mine, pretty bird, all mine.”

It’s been too long since I’ve felt like this—to have a delicious pussy to fuck and hurt, a mind to play with and destroy.

Holding her legs open wide, I watch my come slowly ooze from her. Taking some of it on my forefinger to paint her lips with it so that I’m the first thing she tastes when she wakes up. When I look again and see more slipping out, I lick my lips, stick my two fingers into her pussy, and then push them in her asshole. “I’m everywhere inside you now, pretty bird,” I whisper into her ear. “I’ll see you again soon. Please be careful. Take care of yourself.”

Now I’m her first, even if she doesn’t remember it. Anyone can take a girl’s virginity, but making her come while raping her? That’s the truly special part.

Astoria is not exactly like that. First, her timidness and naiveness attract men like myself—predators. It’s like blood to a shark, because it gives the impression that she has no self-esteem. She’s halfway to being completely broken so we can rebuild her how we want. She doesn’t even try dressing sexy, more on the unnoticeable, nerdy bookworm side of fashion.

It’s not what society would approve of, but society approves of a lot of fucked-up things, so it can go fuck itself.

“I’m not gonna lie, baby, it’s gonna hurt, really fucking bad. But it will never hurt as much as watching you fuck someone else.” Then I yell, “You broke my fucking heart!”

“It wasn’t your fault. Have you ever met a sexy five-year-old? Was it your idea to touch yourself in front of your father? Your mother was just blaming you to avoid taking responsibility for her negligence. And who knows what other sick shit she had in her mind. How the fuck is a five-year-old supposed to know that her father is molesting her and that it’s wrong? She’s the one who didn’t create a safe enough environment for her daughter to trust her! She’s the one that never loved you, so you ran to your father for affection!” He pauses. “Admit it. You’ve been wanting her death as much as Jeremy’s, as much as Emanuel’s.”

“You’re fucking gorgeous, Astoria. Every time I watched you dancing, letting your true self out, everyone else disappeared from the room. It was amazing. I couldn’t stay away, and I knew it would be easy to get you because I could see what your mom did to you. Do you understand? She made you an easy target. It’s not your beauty or your personality, it was her—”

“She had zero evidence. It was her word against his! And what mother wants the world to know her child seduced her father? It’s always our fault, isn’t it? It’s my fault, it’s my mom’s fault, it’s always on us! When all the lot of you have to do is stop. Raping. Us!”

Astoria finally showed me she’s a fighter. I’m so fucking proud of her. The way she stabbed me. So romantic … No, fuck that, I’m in love.

“I know we have our differences, but I’ve never been this happy in my life, Astoria. I’m so relieved I found you and that we waited for each other. If it would’ve been the wrong girl …” He shakes his head. “God only knows what I would’ve done to her. I would have had to kill her and keep waiting for you. Maybe even never meet you. You’re amazing, baby. I’m so excited, but we need to wait ten days before we can check if you’re really pregnant. Don’t get discouraged if we have to try again, okay? The more we stress about it, the more it could be delayed.”

I try to keep my sobbing silent, but it hurts to be a fraction again. I miss being two. Two was so delicious, so comforting, so warm. Never apart. So strong together that we even managed to soften the devil into believing he loved me, if only for just a second. I provided for him, and he used to do cartwheels inside me, but I never yelled at him. I never told him that playing at three o’clock in the morning was not letting me sleep. Maybe I didn’t hold my belly enough. Maybe I didn’t talk to him enough to let him know how much I wanted him, that I had changed my mind, needed and loved him with all my heart and soul. Maybe God heard all my prayers at the beginning and punished me for them by granting my wish. God, I hate being a fraction. It hurts so much. I’m so sorry, baby. So sorry.

“The baby, he made me feel alive. For the first time since I was five years old, I was alive. He’d wake me up every day at three a.m., doing cartwheels in my belly. I grew up with my mother asking me if I was whoring around, or if I’d had an abortion, or if I was pregnant. It became this be-all end-all thing not to do. When I heard the heartbeat … I wanted to die. But … he was inside me. He knew only me, and I needed him.”

“Go ahead, baby. It’s okay.” He nods. “I know you. I know you need to run right now. But I’ll always find you, Astoria. Do you wanna know why?” He pauses, studying me. “Because in the sickest, worst, most disgusting way, I love you too. So go ahead, run wherever you want to run. I’ll never be far behind.”

I am his. My mind is his. I’m in love with Asher.

I keep staring at his eyes, wanting to tell him the truth. I love you. I missed you. You took too long to come back to me. It’s why I wanted to get the punishment over with, because I know he won’t believe me until it’s over. He’ll judge anything I say now as an attempt to manipulate him.

“Because of you, I’m in love with my rapist. Because of you, I’m addicted to him abusing and raping me.”

“Because of you, my mind thinks abuse is passion …”

When children are betrayed by the adults who are supposed to love them, they grow to crave the destruction of mankind. It is a rage that never leaves, one that can leak out at any time, but we keep it inside, and it eats us alive. We don’t get to live our lives like the rest, we die inside every day, unless we are hurting someone, unless we feed on someone’s pain. That someone turned out to be Astoria for me. But she has it too, I know it. So I’m going to give her the gift of killing the worst men in her life, him and me, so that she can unleash her rage and not die, if only for just one day.

“Julian. You can’t demand love and loyalty from me when all you do is torture my body and mind.” I don’t know how else to explain it. “We are here, together. What happens now?”

“I buried the remains of our child underneath the almond tree, where you and I used to sit every day.”

“I knew something was wrong. It had been hurting all day and then … it happened … I tried so hard to keep him inside, but it hurt so bad, and no matter how much I squeezed … When you started massaging me, I knew there was no hope. I felt the last of him slipping out.”

“I might have never really seen you … and that’s not your fault. It’s all on me. I might have never woken up, but I love you. I see you now. I was willing to let you kill me so that you could be happy. Do you understand?”

“I couldn’t tell. But. Every baby starts out as a girl. They have the chromosomes of the mother, which are two X’s, and then when the father’s chromosome activates, the second X from the mother stops working. So for a long time, the baby is always a girl. It’s after the fourteenth week that things change. It was our little queen.”

“Yes, I have. And I cannot predict what I will do if I ever suspect you’re trying to run from me again. Astoria, the way I feel about you … The things that go through my mind … at the thought of not having you. It scares me. This can’t happen again. I’ll always kill anyone who touches you. It can only be me. Are you going to run, pretty bird?”

“I just want you to remember where your home is … with me inside you. I want you to breathe only for me.”