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Emma is one of the good things, and being around her makes me think that maybe, one day, I could be one of the good things too.
I have my friends, but I’ve never had a Person. Not that way. I wouldn’t even know how to. Growing up without parents, bouncing from one foster home to another, and losing my hockey career before it even really got started doesn’t teach you how to keep people. It teaches you that people don’t stay. That nothing is permanent, and you shouldn’t expect it to be. I’m old enough to understand that this isn’t exactly a healthy way of thinking, but knowing that and knowing how to change it are two entirely different things.
I stretch my arm across the back of the couch, just barely making contact with Emma’s shoulders. And I don’t think I’m imagining it when she moves a little closer to me, tucking herself just the tiniest bit under my shoulder. And I’m definitely not imagining the fact that it’s only with her closer to me that my brain finally quiets.
As we ran, I had the fleeting thought that I’d rather be quiet with her than loud with anyone else, and it turns out it actually wasn’t so fleeting because I can’t get it out of my head. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with that when she rarely gives me the time of day, and I wouldn’t know what to do with her if she did.
“Hey, Ems.” “You came.” Emma’s voice is tinged with relief and her body seems to relax just slightly, her shoulders dropping from where they were hunched around her ears. “You called.”
“Tell me something true, Jeremy.” I look up at her. “What?” “Tell me something true. Anything.”
I’ve never really known what home means, but I think maybe it could be the sound of Emma’s voice while she tells me about her day.
Right here around this kitchen island is family. It’s sisterhood and support and friendship and love. The kind that lasts lifetimes. I can tell them anything, and I know they’ll be gentle with my secrets.
I truly don’t know how any woman lives without girlfriends.
There is literally nowhere I would rather be right now than right here in this bright kitchen, surrounded by red-haired girls and cereal boxes.
“Ems, I think you’re the only one I want to tell my secrets to.”
Cupping Emma’s face in my hands, I lower my mouth to hers. One single touch of our lips is all it takes. My entire world tilts on its axis. I know without consciously knowing that this moment right here is the line that divides my life into what it was and what it could be, if only I can find a way to be brave enough to grab it.
You’re worth everything, Ems.”
“I want them both, Molly. And I’m afraid I won’t get to keep either of them.”
“I can’t tell you what’s going to happen, Em, but what I do know is that when you find the kind of love I think you and Jeremy might have, you fight for it. You grab on and hold it tight and don’t let it go, no matter what.”
“I like holding you like this, Ems. It feels exactly right. Like your body was made to fit against mine.”
I know we haven’t really talked about feelings or any of that crap yet but fuck, Ems, my feelings for you? They’re big feelings. Consuming, life-changing, never going away feelings. I’m afraid I’m not built for feelings like that. All I know how to do is run from them because no one ever taught me how to stay.”
If you need to run, run to me. I won’t let you go. Be here with me, and we’ll stay for each other.”
“If it turns out he’s not your brother, you’re going to be okay. You have Ben, Jordan, and Asher, and Rachel and Steven and the girls. And you have me. We’re your family too and none of us is going anywhere.” She releases one of my hands and grabs my chin so I can’t look away. “None of us is going to leave you. Ever, Jeremy. You’re stuck with us for life.”
I knew I loved Emma. I’ve known for a while. But it’s only in this moment that I realize how deep it goes. It’s the soul-deep, earth-shattering kind of love. The kind of love that changes lives and hearts and futures. The kind of love I never thought would be mine but is here, standing in front of me, in a living room full of pillows and blankets and tacos and an excited seven-year-old on a rainy fall night. It’s not at all how I imagined it, but it’s better than I ever could have dreamed. Now to grab onto it and find the courage and trust to never let go.
It feels like home. It feels like family. It’s everything I ever wanted, and everything I never thought I could have. It’s right here in front of me, and all I want to do is keep it.
We are your family and family never leaves. Ever.”
“Family isn’t just blood, Jeremy. Family is what’s inside here.” She lays a hand over my heart. “And in this family, we know all about what’s inside. You do too, honey. You just think you don’t.”
“I want to make a life with you because Ems, you are my home, and I’ve never really had one of those before you.
