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Outgoing and charming on the outside but with deep dark eyes full of secrets I recognize. Secrets that tell me he has seen the same kinds of things that I have. The kinds of things that wake you up in the middle of the night and make you wonder if you’ll ever sleep again.
there is a small part of me that wonders whether I’ll ever find the kind of love they found with their partners, well, I’m only human. I keep that part of me close, only taking it out and examining it late at night when I decide it’s a good time to torture myself with what ifs and bad memories.
Jeremy puts a finger under my chin, tipping my face up so our eyes meet. His light brown eyes are ringed with gold and are steady on mine. My face flushes at the eye contact, and I’m immediately frustrated with myself for not being able to hold on to the ease we found during our run. “Call me, okay?” “Call you for what?”
“For anything. If something goes wrong or the date is bad and you need someone to pick you up. Anything. So you don’t feel like you’re stranded alone downtown with all your friends away and no one to call.”
I had the fleeting thought that I’d rather be quiet with her than loud with anyone else, and it turns out it actually wasn’t so fleeting because I can’t get it out of my head.
“Tell me something true, Jeremy.” I look up at her. “What?” “Tell me something true. Anything.”
I’ve never really known what home means, but I think maybe it could be the sound of Emma’s voice while she tells me about her day.
“You asked me to tell you something true the night of the storm too. Why?”
“It’s something my grandma used to ask me after my parents died. Eight is a weird age. It’s old enough to understand what’s happening, but too young to be able to grasp the fact that sometimes bad things just happen, and there’s nothing we can do to change it.”
when my grandma saw it happening, she would ask me to tell her something true. I guess maybe it was her way of having me focus on the facts rather than the unknown.
You’re smart about people. You see things no one else does. I think you always have. I’m right about that, aren’t I?”
“I’ve always liked running alone, but I think my new favorite thing is running with you.”
I look at him and my heart aches for the sweet boy I see in the face of this beautiful man, clearly struggling to reveal the side of himself that might still be a little broken from his past. When I take a step forward and put my arms around him, I’m hugging them both.
like being here with you. I’m glad we can talk to each other like this. I like the sound of your voice. You’re the most beautiful woman in the world. I want to kiss you. I want to do a lot more than kiss you. I don’t deserve you, but I want you anyway. I want to be everything you need. You’re already everything I need. Be mine. Please.
“Of course I know that. I know a lot of things about you. In a totally non-creepy way,”
Because the truth is, I do know a lot of things about her. I’ve spent the last eight years paying attention to her. What she likes, what she needs, what makes her happy. My reasons are vast and complicated, and I haven’t even worked them all out for myself yet, so I’m hoping she doesn’t ask, because I’d be hard-pressed to explain.
for the first time in my life, I can’t make that feeling stick. Instead, I think about more nights like this and a family of my own and the courage to take it and trust that it would stay. And the only girl I think I would ever want that with by my side as I try.
“Ems, I think you’re the only one I want to tell my secrets to.”
“Hockey saved me when I so badly needed saving. It gave me something to love and a purpose and a family when I had never had one before.
Then, without warning, he pulls back, one of his hands coming up to push a piece of hair that came loose from my ponytail behind my ear.
The uncertainty every time he lets a small part of him free. Like he’s showing me his broken parts and asking me to be gentle with them.
“Tell me something true, Jeremy.” He leans into my hand, closing his eyes for just a second. When he opens them, where there was uncertainty is now determination. “I want to kiss you, Ems.”
One single touch of our lips is all it takes. My entire world tilts on its axis. I know without consciously knowing that this moment right here is the line that divides my life into what it was and what it could be, if only I can find a way to be brave enough to grab it.
At the mention of eight years ago, Emma breaks eye contact, looking everywhere but at me. I grip her chin gently and bring her gaze back to mine, giving her a little bit more of my truth.
“You like the sound of that, Pretty Girl? You like the idea of being caught? Is that pussy dripping at the thought of the people out there knowing what we’re getting up to in here?”
“Come for me, Ems,” I say against her lips. “Soak my hand. Give it all to me. Every fucking drop.”
She winks at me. Fucking winks. “I’ve got all kinds of kinks you can’t even imagine.”
“It doesn’t have to be all or nothing, Jer. You can have this part of your life back. It won’t look the same way, but there can be joy in something new, too. Let me help you find it.”
How many emotions is too many for a human to feel all at once?
“Sometimes you still don’t get to keep it, but if that happens, you at least want to know you did everything you could. Living with regret is the worst kind of torture.”
“Two more hours, Ems, and you are mine. You better be good and ready for me, Pretty Girl, because it feels like I’ve been ready for you forever. We’re about to find out how many times I can make you scream my name before morning.”
her tongue over the tattoo on my thigh. Shivers race down my spine at her touch. “This is so fucking sexy,” she mutters, sliding her fingers over the crossed hockey sticks with my old number ninety-one between them.
“Last time we did this, it didn’t…end well. I messed it all up. I got scared and ran out on you in the morning, and it took us eight damn years to get back here. I know we haven’t really talked about feelings or any of that crap yet but fuck, Ems, my feelings for you? They’re big feelings. Consuming, life-changing, never going away feelings. I’m afraid I’m not built for feelings like that. All I know how to do is run from them because no one ever taught me how to stay.”
love just pours out of my heart for him. The sweet boy who turned into such a good man. Mine. I protect what’s mine.
If you need to run, run to me. I won’t let you go. Be here with me, and we’ll stay for each other.”
“There hasn’t been anyone since you. Since that night eight years ago. You’re all I could think about, even when you would barely speak to me, and I deserved it, and I didn’t think you would ever be mine.” He pulls back, eyes begging me to understand what he’s saying. I do. I’m caught between disbelief, fierce need, and enormous, all-consuming love. “No one else?” He shakes his head. “No one. Not since you. I never wanted to be with anyone else. Only you. It’s only ever been you.”
“You can hate them all you want, but I want you to know that you were my first and I’m really hoping you’ll be my last.”
“Say my name, Pretty Girl. When you’re begging for my cock, you say my goddamn name.”
“Are you mine, Ems? Come for me, Pretty Girl, and show me you’re mine,”
“I’m yours, Jeremy. Only yours. Come with me. Come inside me. Mark me. Show me who I belong to. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll only ever be yours.” Jeremy’s eyes go dark and feral. “Mine,” he growls out. “All. Fucking. Mine.”
Peppering the inside of my thigh with kisses, Jeremy runs two fingers over my slit, collecting his cum and pushing it back inside me.
“Be my good boy, Jeremy, and I’ll make you feel amazing, I promise.” Oh god.
“I’ve loved you for so long. Years, I think. I thought it would be scary to tell you, but it’s not because it’s you and me. You know me better than anyone, and you understand my broken parts and make me feel like maybe they aren’t so broken anymore. You’ve given me family and a home and more happiness than I ever thought I would have. I never want to spend another day without you. You brought me back to life, Ems. There is so much in me for you, and I want to give you everything. You and Maddy, because I love her too.”
I’ve never needed anyone the way I need you. You are everything to me. I promise I’ll make you feel loved and safe and cared for. You and Maddy. You’ll never have to wonder or worry because I’m right here, and I’ll never leave. Both of you are mine to keep.”
“I promise I’ll love you the way you deserve to be loved. The way you’ve always deserved to be loved.”
He looked so broken, but of course he did. I love him so goddamned much, and I want to burn down the entire world for the man he is now and the little boy he was then.”
“Hands on the ropes, Pretty Girl,” I growl out. “Soak my face and I’ll lick you clean.”
“That’s right, Pretty Girl. You keep those eyes on me, so you know exactly who is giving you this pleasure. I’m the only one who can fuck you like this. Who can make your legs shake and your pussy clench.
“See, that’s where you’re wrong. Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done. You make me so damn happy, and I told you, if you run, I’ll just come and find you. So thanks for sticking around and saving me the trouble.
Life doesn’t always have to be sunshine and rainbows and fucking in boxing rings and old hockey jerseys. It’s okay to feel sad or hurt or angry or whatever you need to feel. Just feel it with me, okay? Talk to me, Jeremy. Tell me everything because I like the sound of your voice.”
