Cora has tried to forgive him because Auntie Lois says it will make her feel better, but Cora doesn’t even know where to begin. She tries to imagine him, because you can’t forgive someone who doesn’t exist, but he bursts into a thousand white spiders in her mind, crawls into her mouth and ears. She thinks of only his hand and tries to forgive a single finger, even a fingernail on his body. She calls for feelings of love and grace like hauling an anchor to the surface of her mind, but it is far too heavy. All Cora can feel is that first hot splash of blood, the sharpness of it, the way it
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