How to Hack a Hellhound (Hellhounds of Paradise Falls #2)

by Shannon Mae

I had to take my petty revenge by spelling people’s names wrong on their cups—or mishearing them totally. Bob? I could’ve sworn you said Boob. Scott? Are you sure you didn’t say Snot? I took my amusement where I could get it.

Toby was like that college professor that wore mismatched shoes and forgot to come to class on time. You knew he was an idiot, but somehow everyone still loved him.

The manager, Steph, was the only total bitch on staff (aside from me), so of course I loved her.

Monsters were out there, but so far all the monsters I’d met in real life had been one hundred percent human.

Dear god, it was worse than an orgy. Way worse. I would not have agreed if I had known what it really was. It was… Fuck. It was like some kind of early 2000 sitcom where all the girls sat around drinking Manhattans and gossiping about the men in their lives, only we were sitting in Toby’s living room, drinking wine, and gossiping. I was in the gay version of Sex in the City, for fuck’s sake.

Seb was even more cheery than Toby, and Josh was clearly the serious one in the bunch. God, did that make me the Samantha of the group? Fuck my life.

“Maybe you’re an angel and you don’t know it,” he mused. “After all, Dex is a hellhound, and he said there are angels and demons in Paradise Falls. Ohhh, maybe you hit your head and got amnesia and you’re an angel with memory loss!”

When the mess was burned to nothing but ashes, I walked over and hit the start button on the robot vacuum I’d bought, glancing down to make sure there were no stray blood droplets on the floor. My old robot vacuum had taken it upon itself to autorun, only a hellbound mortal had still been in the room, dripping blood, and I had been out grabbing some breakfast. The results had been… unfortunate. It had dragged blood across the entire floor, including the carpet, which was of course ruined. That robot vacuum might have accidentally met a fiery death for its poorly timed decision, but the newer upgraded model I bought didn’t make such mistakes.

Dex wasn’t the brightest flame in the house fire, especially when it came to dealing with humans,

Quinton was a flame in the darkness, and I wanted to set him free and watch him burn. I would make sure no one ever again tried to put out his fire.

Weren’t we just two fucked up peas in a pod.

I didn’t need therapy. I needed revenge.

“He gave me coke,” I said. “But not, like, coke the drug, like coke with the polar bears. I always liked those polar bears. Cute polar bears.”

“Cassius wants to know what’s going on with Q and Aiden. He’s pissed. He did adopt them, and then you stole and rehomed them.” I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose. “Dex, they aren’t stray pets.” Dex looked offended. “I know that! They’re stray humans. Obviously. I still don’t think you can just steal and rehome them.” I just shook my head. Dex was… well, he was Dex. Not the most human-savvy hellhound of the group.

“I don’t usually keep my strays,” he added thoughtfully. Shit. I didn’t need Dex getting any ideas. “Listen, you aren’t keeping them. They’re just staying someplace safe. They’re not strays anymore anyways. They’re friends now. Friends can stay over. Strays need homes. Ok?” I clarified. I really didn’t need Dexter to start bringing home every mortal he happened upon that was in trouble. We weren’t starting a compound here, for fuck’s sake.

The rest of the crew was at the table, with Corbin feeding a crow bits of his sandwich, and Toby sitting in Dexter’s lap while they fed each other bites of food. It made me think of Toby as Dexter’s version of a crow. Somehow I didn’t think Toby would be offended if I said that. He was quirky like that.

“Dex, he’s got a camera or something on Q.” Dex looked up at Toby, puzzled. “Yeah?” Toby huffed impatiently, looking at Corbin, who was still feeding his crow, and then Jude, who was still scrolling on his phone. “No one is concerned that Liam has a camera in Q’s room? His bedroom?” Toby demanded. “Liam probably has cameras all over each of the three houses, the properties, and perhaps even half the town by now,” Corbin said, scratching his crow on the head.

Maybe Toby was a vampire and he had minions who brought home people for him to suck blood from. I tried to muster up some horror at that, but Toby was nice, if a little weird, and he hadn’t hurt me or Aiden. If he was a vampire, I bet he was so clumsy and squeamish that Dexter probably had to do most of the bloodletting. I stifled a chuckle at that thought, because I could totally see Toby going to bite some person and missing their vein like three times and even the person getting exasperated. I pictured some guy saying, Hello, you’re just poking holes in me now and barely getting any blood. What kind of vampire are you?

I was officially fucked up beyond belief. Finding your stalker sweet was not normal. Then again, nothing had been normal for me for quite awhile. Plus, he probably wasn’t human, which was oddly reassuring.

he just continued to look grumpy even after I offered him more food. My little hellcat had claws, and I was worried they were about to be unsheathed on me.

“But I wasn’t alone, was I?” he asked. “Well, no, but you didn’t know that,” I added. “Yes, exactly,” he said, sipping his coffee and glaring at me. It didn’t feel as dangerous as earlier, but he was obviously not pleased. Hmm, maybe Toby was right. Could he be a wee bit upset about the cameras? It wasn’t like I had watched him pleasure himself or anything. Ok, so yes, that was mainly because he hadn’t done that while his computer camera was facing him.

“I look into everyone, and I’ve watched Aiden because he lives with you and to make sure he stays safe, but I can admit that I’ve, perhaps, watched you a little more closely than anyone else. Toby told me that people found that sort of thing an invasion of privacy, but I certainly didn’t mean it to be. And now that you know about the cameras, it isn’t without your consent, so that makes it ok.”

“You are not a weak human. You are a hellcat, all claws and explosiveness. You would have made life miserable for your captors.” I chuckled at the thought. “You would have at least maimed a few of them. You would have fought every step of the way, and I think you would’ve escaped. Don’t ever underestimate yourself, Quinton.”

He was super mad that we’d been ‘rehomed,’ which I guess is what Dexter told him.” He chuckled. “I would have loved to have heard that conversation. Cass had just gotten off the phone with him and was ranting about how Dexter couldn’t just give him people to adopt and then steal them back, and how we were his and Kushiel’s now, and we didn’t have to go anywhere we didn’t want to. It was like they were fighting over who got to keep us.

I always told Aiden, mornings were for caffeine and sass (and sex, if you had a cute guy in your bed).

They’re like fucking house elves or something,”

Quinton is yours, I think, but Aiden isn’t,” he stated. “But they both feel like pack. I can sense the bonds there, ready to form.”

I would love to have sex with Quinton, but Jude had given me a lecture about how I couldn’t jump into sex with human packmates like they were some ‘randos’ we were getting off with for ‘funsies.’ Still, surely a little interaction wouldn’t be bad manners. After all, if Quinton was in need…

“Liam likes his coffee and his men bitter, Q—perfect for you.”

“I’ve gone from Creepy Stalker to Sexy Stalker. A definite improvement, I think,” I answered.

“Todd,” Quinton bit out. “Should’ve known that bouncer was evil based on his frat boy name and shitty pick-up line. ‘Todd, with extra D,’ he’d always say while leering at the guys. Like eww, Todd. No one wants your D, asshole.”

My little hellcat was so cute. He thought I wouldn’t let him out to play. Everyone knew you couldn’t keep cats contained, and I certainly wouldn’t try to do that to Quinton.

“How would you feel about a tracker under your skin in your shoulder? Maybe the back of your neck?” I asked. Quinton laughed and leaned in to kiss me. I wasn’t sure what was funny, but I opened my mouth to him,

“You bit me,” he said. “I did. Is biting acceptable behavior during making out?” I asked. If the orgasm was anything to go by, he enjoyed it, but perhaps I had overstepped.

I saw someone jump down off the porch as Liam walked around to the trunk. It was Corbin, who I hadn’t really spent much time with. I guessed that was about to change. What better way to get to know someone than to watch them torture someone?

Quinton was actually rather inventive with torture ideas—he had threatened to cut off Todd’s dick and shove it down his throat, rip out his tongue, pull off each of his fingernails, and cut open his sack and remove his testicles to juggle with them (he had turned around and made a vomiting face at me when he threatened that one, and it had been quite difficult not to laugh).

“It’s just that human trafficking is sort of like human snot when you get sick. You blow and blow, and more just keeps coming. It’s almost impossible to get rid of it entirely, because more just gets made before you can clean out what was there to start,” Corbin explained. “Well that’s a fucking gross analogy,” Quinton said. “Gross, but true.

do you think Quinton would just let you run off? Do you think any of us would just let you go it alone? Corbin said you’re pack now, and he would know. And you’re certainly Quinton’s pack, and Quinton is mine, so that means you’re ours. So if you go somewhere or sneak off into the night to try and spare us trouble”—I snorted at the thought, because we loved trouble—“then I will hunt you down and bring you back. Is that clear?”

“Of course, I would hunt you down in a very nice way and bring you back willingly,” I said, nodding. “Toby always says consent is important. And if you didn’t want to come back then we’d all just follow you around or something. Although we like it here, so we’d all prefer it if you'd stay.”

Had I broken him? Could you break humans with bad news? Did they short circuit like computers? It did seem he was frozen. Was there a human reset button? Did he need a hard reboot?

Aiden’s eyes got teary again at that, he walked around the kitchen island to me, and he pulled me into a tight hug. I stood frozen, unsure what to do. I finally hesitantly put a hand up to gently pat his back. “This is… awkward,” I stated. “Shut up, Creepy Stalker. You’re getting a hug. ‘Humans’ do that sort of thing,”

Aiden breathed out again, nodding. “Ok. I’m ok.” There was a lot of repetition of ok, and I wasn’t sure if that meant he was actually ok or he wasn’t actually ok but he was saying he was. Humans. So difficult.

“You’re adorable,” he murmured, nuzzling into my neck. His lips and his scruff sent tingles down my spine as he licked and nipped at the skin. My mouth just wouldn’t seem to stop, though. “I am not adorable. I am full of attitude and sass,” I muttered. He pushed off the covers and kissed his way to my chest, licking at a nipple. I gasped but kept talking. “I am a grumpy motherfucker. A force of darkness who can destroy joy with a single barbed comment.”

“You’re so adorable,” he smiled. I frowned at him. “I am not. I am attitude and sass. Violence incarnate, remember?” “And it’s adorable,”

“How distressed was he?” I asked. “He may have hinted at leaving, but don’t worry, I let him know that I would follow him and bring him back. Not against his will, of course, because I know he has trauma. So I told him if he wouldn’t be willingly brought back, we would all just follow him around.” Liam actually looked proud of himself at that statement. Fucking supernatural weirdos.

he leaked a bit and hugged me. It was odd but nice,” Liam admitted. I stared at him. “Did you just say ‘he leaked a bit’?” I asked. “From his eyes,” Liam added helpfully. For fuck’s sake.

I was falling for Liam. Somehow, my sexy stalker had hacked his way into my frozen little heart, and I had no idea what to do about that.

He was mine. I nodded my head once. Yes, he was definitely mine. My mate. My pack. Dexter had said something about mating humans, and I’d have to find out the details. I’d ask Quinton if he wanted that, of course, because humans liked to be asked that sort of thing, but I figured I had a few decades to convince him if he said no. I was his sexy stalker. I’d wear him down until he agreed. My hellhound grumbled in satisfaction. We were going on a hunt, and Quinton was ours—life was a beautiful thing.

“What is he, anyway? He said Dexter was a hellhound, not that anyone believed him, but he didn’t say what he was.” I blinked in surprise. “Toby?” I asked, confused. “Yeah. Is he like a vampire or something? Shapeshifter? Demon?” Quinton said, walking over to look at Dev. The man was barely conscious and was just sort of vaguely staring at Quinton in confusion. “Toby is human,” I answered. Quinton looked at me, raising an eyebrow. “No fucking way. He’s so bloodthirsty, I figured he was something ferocious, despite his cute little exterior. I mean, the guy takes notes on torture methods.” “He’s a writer,” I reasoned. “Dexter helps him out with plot points sometimes.” Quinton snorted at that, shaking his head. “I’ll bet he does,”

I walked over to a drawer and took out a syringe. “Oh, what’s that? Truth serum? A torturous liquid that will slowly burn him from the inside out? Poison that only we have the antidote to?” Quinton asked gleefully. I shot him a droll look as I injected Dev and then stepped away. “A little bit of adrenalin, just to get him focused and aware.” “Aw, bummer. But I guess it’ll do,” Quinton said.