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For those who live their nightmares, so that others may have their dreams.
Soon, this would end. I would sink into oblivion. I didn’t believe in an afterlife, but nothingness would do.
I was a burning wick, consumed by pain, but there was something inside of me, something cool, and calm, and made of iron, that rose up and claimed Harron’s knife as its own.
Make me forget that I’ve ever suffered, I commanded. Make me forget that I will again.
Gods, I wanted him. I wanted all of him. My soul was on fire, and I didn’t care if I burned for all eternity. So long as I was burning with him, then so be it.
You’ve got me, Little Osha. And I’ve got you.
“Nobody will ever fuck you the way I’m about to fuck you, Saeris Fane. I’m about to introduce you to all seven gods. When you meet them, don’t forget to tell them I’m the one you worship on your knees.”
He sucked his own bottom lip into his mouth, biting down on it as he growled possessively. “My lips to kiss. My mouth to fuck.”
“I’ll be grateful for every second that I can say that I belong to you, Saeris Fane. Eighty years or eighteen hours. It doesn’t matter to me. It’ll still be the highest honor of my life. But don’t—Are you about to have a heart attack? Your pulse is flying.”
He’d come for me. Even with the world ending all around us, he had me.
He is the storm. You are the peace that must come after it. Tell me, do you believe in the fates, Alchemist?
“And you are Saeris. Sister to Hayden. Daughter to no one.”
I foresaw then that no matter how the boughs and branches of this tree were manipulated, you and he would always collide. There was nothing I could do to stop it.”
“In nature, there is a counterweight to everything, child. Light has darkness. Life has death. Joy has sorrow. And good has evil. That law applies, no matter which realm you exist in,”
“Threads like you and Kingfisher, that are drawn together and cross on an axis create a well of power. The energy the two of you draw together attracts an equal and opposite counterweight. Every possible future where the two of you are together ends with the vast majority of this tree dying. None of us can foresee any other way.”
Zareth shook his head. “Not you personally. But the moment where you meet, along with the moment you become mates, is a spark. The flame in the dark that draws the moth. It was incumbent upon me to try and stop that spark from taking place, but as you’ve already learned, the fates themselves would not be guided down that path.”
“Pathways that lead down roads, where both the way and the destination are blocked to even my sight. And in all of these veiled futures, where a chance still exists for life, there is one common factor.” I didn’t want to know. Couldn’t hear it. This was way too much pressure. Zareth knew this, I was sure, but he plowed ahead. “You and Kingfisher fought at each other’s side, and you were God-Bound.” He pointed to the script writing that wrapped around my wrists. “These oaths mark you as my ward. They protect both you and Fisher from the unwanted attentions of my brothers and my sister.”
“They would rather kill Fisher and roll the dice on what comes next. They would prefer to weather the storm on the horizon and replant our tree once the slate has been wiped clean. I don’t want that to happen. It would break my daughters’ hearts.”
“For them, I’m willing to take a chance. If you truly accept Fisher as your mate, then you must agree for the thread of your life to be severed from the tapestry of the universe. Once you do, none of us may affect your future. We won’t be able to see you at all, nor will my brothers and my sister be able to interfere with timelines or events that affect you, either. You’ll be on your own.”
Zareth narrowed his eyes at me. “Fuck the fates. They don’t get to decide shit for me. I decide what my future is going to be. Did you not just say that mere days ago?” I had said that. And I’d meant it, too. “Yes, but…” “If you truly wish to be the master of your own life, then this is how you accomplish that goal.”
“By transforming you into something that has never been seen before,” he answered cryptically. “The universe cannot focus on that which it does not recognize.”
“I’m not just the God of Chaos, Alchemist. I’m also the God of Change. I will it, and it is done.”
The God Bindings at my wrists flared out of nowhere, biting into my skin like burning ropes. “The best of luck to you, then, Saeris. Give Kingfisher my best.” And then he shoved me into the quicksilver.
In the dark, I observed the universe, and the universe observed me back. I was born and died a hundred times.
needed him like I needed air. I reached for him like I was reaching for the surface of a still, flat lake. Kingfisher. My Kingfisher.
“I’m… Fae?” I asked Taladaius’s reflection in the mirror. He smiled politely but shook his head. “As far as we can tell, you’re a half-vampire, half-Fae. Something none of us have ever seen before. As of now, we’re not sure which traits you’ve adopted from the Fae and which you’ve adopted from the vampires. All our healers are sure of is that you’re no longer human.”
“And then I bit you,” Taladaius said, nodding. He looked away quickly, as if he were suddenly uncomfortable. “I placed a memory block around what happened next. Transitioning is hard. And, well, it is in a sire’s power to suppress those memories, if—” “Remove it,” I demanded. “Remove the block.” Taladaius looked like he wanted to refuse, but he said, “If you’re certain you want me to, I will, but it can be very traumatic—” “Remove. It,” I snarled. “As you wish.”
The bite from Taladaius. Fisher, carrying me in his arms. Opening a shadow gate. Me flying through the air toward the quicksilver pool. The brief but tense conversation with Zareth that followed. Then, Fisher pulling me out of the quicksilver. He and Carrion, arguing like they were about to kill each other. Lorreth, sitting by my bedside, playing some kind of lute and singing softly to me while I thrashed and moaned. Three days of me lying in this bed, in this room, begging for Fisher to kill me because I couldn’t face the pain for another second. And me… biting… someone. My eyes snapped up to
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“There are two kinds of forever, Alchemist. One is heaven. The other is hell. It doesn’t matter what I do. Make sure you choose your version of immortality wisely.”
“I’m Fae now. You’re Fae now. Kind of. It’s all water under the bridge. You’re only grumpy with me because you were worried about me. Go on. Ask me how I survived Malcolm’s all-powerful venom. I can tell you’re just dying to know.”
“No, he said that your father’s blood was used to create the blood curse that allowed Malcolm to become a vampire, and that a vampire can’t drink from the living members of the bloodline that created them, nor can they enthrall them. He said that drinking from you should have killed Malcolm instantly, but because he had lived for so long, he was too powerful.” “Hmm.” Carrion grunted. “That’s pretty accurate, actually.”
“Are you going to tell me about my parents, or are you going to start undressing each other? Because I can leave. I don’t have to, but I can,” Carrion said. “Please leave, Carrion,” Fisher said flatly. “I’ll come and tell you everything I remember about them later, but for now, I want to be alone with my mate.” He said it with such pride. My mate.
“Human, Fae, or vampire. It doesn’t matter how long you live, Saeris; you will always be most sacred to me.”
The Darn. We were on the wrong side of the Darn. We were inside Ammontraíeth. “In the Fae courts, the crown is passed down to a regent’s heir. But if the regent is murdered, the crown is claimed by the one who slew them. The vampire court has only ever had one king. Malcolm never named an heir. He planned on living forever. He never conceived of the possibility that someone might kill him…”
“Absolutely not. Fisher, I’m not even a full vampire. I’m half-Fae! I can’t!” “Tell them that. As far as the vampire court is concerned, you’re to be coronated. In two days’ time, you officially become the new queen of Sanasroth.”
If the disquiet of my mind was, in fact, madness, then there was no peace in it.
Couldn’t fucking sleep or turn my mind off for more than a second.
