Finding Delaware (State of Us #1)

by Bree Wiley

I did that. I made those lips swell. I made those dark eyes water. I left my mark on him. Me.

While I may get violent with Huckslee because I’m forced to, the thought of anyone else touching him pisses me off. He’s mine to torment. No one else’s.

“That glare is reserved for me. You’re giving it to everyone else, and I’m jealous.”

His ocean eyes snap up to mine, full of fire, the brightness of his irises driving me insane. Blue and green, blue or green. Pick a fucking color.

“Yeah, why not? This can be like neutral ground or something. A fake place. Like…Delaware.” “Delaware?” I shrug, raising a brow at him. “Have you ever heard of that city? I don’t even know where or if it exists.” Taylor’s eyes nearly bug out of his skull. “Delaware is a state, dumbass.” I knew that. I just wanted to see if he knew that. “What?!” My jaw drops in faux surprise. “See what I mean? How do we know it’s even a real place? Seems fake to me.”

“So, what, this track is a land of make-believe or some shit?” Nodding, I do my best to toss him a megawatt grin. “Exactly. Out here, nothing has to exist. No fights. Just us. Just Taylor and Huckslee.” Like I wish it could be. “What do you say?”

As sick as it was, I loved seeing the tears stream down his cheeks.

“You’re fucking cute when you’re flustered,” I blurt out, cutting off his rant, and my smile grows when his lips part at my words. His dark eyes widen, twinkling like a starry night sky as he flounders like a fish for something to say. I enjoy the sight for a few more seconds before pressing play. “I’ve never seen this one before.”

This is what I fucking live for.

How could a God exist when diseases like cancer take away good people? People who are kind, faithful, loved by their communities, and all-around good.”

Even after everything that’s happened between us, I can’t help wanting to take away his pain.

“But I want to talk to you, and you don’t trust me right now. So we’re going to Delaware.”

“Why do you hate me so much, Taylor?” His tongue darts out to moisten his lips. “I don’t hate you, Huck. Not even close.”

“God, I’m so fucking stupid.” I laugh humorlessly as I turn on my heel, heading back toward the house. “Despite all the shit you’ve done to me, I pined after you for years. Years. You really couldn’t care less about anyone but yourself, Taylor.”

He tastes like chlorine and bad decisions, but damn if I don’t find myself sucking on his bottom lip like it’s a lifeline.

“I don’t like seeing someone else’s marks on you,”

I never have control. Never have a choice. I’m trapped in this pit of expectations Dad holds for me, and it feels like I’ll never escape.

I don’t mean to get as close to him as I do, but when I’m within touching distance, it feels like I’m a satellite that’s finally returned to orbit. I was knocked out of his gravitational pull, but now I’m back in place.

“You weren’t there,” I accuse softly, gripping the handlebars. He must not have heard me because he tilts his head and steps closer. “I don’t know what we are, Huckslee. Maybe at one point, I did, but all of that changed. And I know I can’t undo everything I’ve done, but I almost fucking died, and you weren’t there.”

“What did you expect when you fell for your bully? Who also happens to be your stepbrother.”

“The game!”

Huckslee Davis, jersey number twenty, currently in his fourth and final season playing for the California Golden Bears at CU Berkeley.

I hate it. It kills me. But I can’t seem to let Huckslee Davis go.

Fuck, even sad, he’s adorable. Makes me want to make him hot chocolate and shit. Tuck a blanket around him. Sit on his face.

Huckslee and I are fucking toxic together. Which is precisely why I’m addicted to him.

“Hold on tight, spider monkey,” he drawls, patting the seat behind him. “Really? You’re quoting Twilight?” He shrugs as I take my place against his back. “It’s Salem’s favorite movie.” “Actually,” she shouts next to us, voice muffled by her helmet, “he’s lying. He’s seen it a hundred times–”

After all these years, why does it feel like I’m finally coming home?

Hasn’t even touched me, and he owns this dick. How unfair is that?

“Fuck, Taylor,” he breathes, voice deep and husky, eyes shuttering. “I like the sight of you like this. Kneeling and waiting for my cock.”

We’re not...we’re not anything to each other. Just each other’s first kiss and first love. First and only person to ever break your heart.

We’re no good for each other, and yet I Can’t Let Him Go.

I lose myself in the emotion passing between us like a torrent threatening to chew me up and spit me out. Anger, fear, regret, longing. It’s all there, written in plain language on the strands of his eyes, and I’m powerless to turn away from it.

“Huckslee, I’ve been in love with you since the eighth grade.”

None of this ‘others had it worse’ bullshit. Your experiences are valid. Say it.”

“Did you seriously get the shape of Delaware tattooed on you?” “Yep.” My teeth sink into my lip as I fight a sheepish grin. “Right over my heart.”

I enjoy sharing. But when it comes to Huckslee? He’s mine. Always has been, always will be, and I’ll be damned if he thinks he’s going to run away again now that I finally have him.

“Don’t be jealous, baby. I like how strong you are. You’ve never had a problem fighting back.”

He was molded just for me. Mine.

Huck is endgame for me. He’s all I want.

I feel like I’m addicted to him, intoxicated by his presence. I just want to breathe him in, hold him inside my lungs and never exhale, as if his very existence could give me life.

Our story has just begun, yet we’re already running out of time.

“The bad thoughts. Don’t let them win. I’m here now. We’re here. How we got to this point doesn’t matter. Delaware, remember?”

It’s perfect. He’s perfect. Tick, tick, tick. I just wish we had more time.

“I don’t deserve you. Sometimes I think you’re too good for me.” At the stiffening of his body, I move in quickly to press our lips together. “But I’m selfish and never want to let you go. So you’re stuck with me.”

“Because I want to do something else with you that I’ve never done with anyone,” he chuckles into my hair, and I look up at him suspiciously. “Like what?” A slow smile lights his face as he kisses me softly. “I want to introduce you to my grandparents.”

It hits me then, this sense of rightness in the moment. How normal it feels to have him here, sharing a meal with my grandparents like the last eight years were nothing more than a fever dream. And maybe they were. Because I’m finally awake for the first time in what feels like forever. I’ve come home.

“I just need you.” Always. Forever. In every way.

“Why are we always running away from each other?”

“I don’t want to hide you,” he says softly, searching my face. “I’m going to love you loud, Taylor.”