Cackle

by Rachel Harrison

I brush my teeth and take three Advils instead of the recommended dose of two, because I’m hard like that.

“You were talking in your sleep again.” “What’d I say? Anything interesting?” “Something about who killed JFK, the identity of the second shooter. Don’t know.

I shake out my legs. They’re stiff from the drive or because I’m thirty now. Hard to say.

People might shudder as I pass them by, hold their children close while recoiling in horror. But . . . I could really use some wine.

I hurry into the store, hoping no townspeople will spot me and think they’ve seen some sort of mythical trash monster.

My kind of self depricating humor

As a new teacher, I ready myself for the peculiar cruelty of these hormone-addled, angst-driven evil meat sacks.

Mr. Frog greets me when I get home. “Sir,” I say. This is where I’m at: greeting a ceramic frog.

Respectable.

I walk out to a perfect day. Early September weather is pure magic.

As I walk by, they turn to me, smile and say, “Good morning,” or “Hello.” Every single person. And every time it happens, it’s like a sip of hot tea. It’s macaroni and cheese; it’s cozy slippers; it’s cashmere. It’s comfort.

Small town superiority!!

He’s attractive, but I’m not attracted to him. I want him to adopt me. Teach me how to make a solid cappuccino and tell me he’s proud of me.

Lmao

“you’ll discover for yourself soon enough the things that devastate us most in the moment are always the things we look back on with such gratitude.”

“Got it,” she says, pulling out a large iron key. “That can’t be comfortable,” I say, “to have that wedged in your bra.”

Keeping an iron key in your bra is so cunty

I need this friendship to work, mostly because she’s warm and fun and funny and I love her, but also, I need to know what products she uses. Probably La Mer.

It’s such a nice thing to have your presence acknowledged as something of value.

I mean, so what if she just so happens to be able to control spiders and curse obnoxious teenagers? So what if she dabbles in some dark magic and is over a hundred years old?

See?? Don’t 👏🏽 be 👏🏽 judgmental 👏🏽

At the circle of headstones, she simply says, “Old friends.”

She's an icon

Read a book. For the love of God, read a book!

“Fate is just another invention to trick us into complacency. Inaction. If one assumes that they cannot change their circumstances, they won’t try. When you think about it, really, there’s a myriad of ways we’re conditioned to passivity. Women, especially.

Kids these days. Oof. Let me just disintegrate into dust and be carried off by a gentle breeze.

Felt this in my core

And what if Pascal sucks? What if he chews with his mouth open or watches golf for fun? What if he owns a red hat?

Dating is scary

I’ll probably mix myself a cocktail in a cauldron and get bloody drunk.”

Wheres my invite???

“A salad?” Dan asks. “Is that not acceptable to you?” I ask, because the whiskey’s in me now, lowering my tolerance for bullshit.

Curse this fucker

“Yeah, right,” Dan says. “Look at her. She’s never had a piece of cake in her life.”

Typa dude to comment on women's bodies

I lay myself down in the grass, waiting to feel some belated humiliation. It never arrives. I revel in its absence. It’s liberating. I laugh and laugh.

Cringe is the thief of joy

She made Ralph an outfit as well. He wears a small navy bow tie and top hat. “You look very handsome,” I tell him. He beams.

Also what i would do with magic

“It’s a nice thing, to cook for yourself. To be good to yourself. To commit to and feed your own happiness.”

All I can do, all any of us can do, really, is embrace our power. Not restrain it for the benefit of those trying to do us harm.

I was always present. I was always paying attention, always making gestures. I never stopped. He just started taking it for granted.

I wonder how much of a woman’s life is spent this way. Enduring. Waiting for enjoyment or, fuck it, death.

He fears me because he is small. I will not meet him there. I will not shrink myself down to his size, or anyone else’s, for their comfort. For their appeasement.

I close my hand and summon a compact mirror. I prop it open on the table and lift him up so he can admire himself in his party hat. This should occupy him for a while.

Ralph is a good boy

And what a thing it is to know. My future is my own.