I'll Have What She's Having

by Chelsea Handler

She would be nothing less than fierce, this woman I’d become. She would never have to worry about fitting in—she wouldn’t be the type of person who valued herself based on other people’s opinions. She wasn’t going to be someone who followed what others did; she would be a leader. She’d be someone who would never have to rely on another person for anything.

She’d be strong and she’d be beautiful, with a mind so sharp no one could ever call her just a pretty face. She’d be so much more than that. She’d be able to light up a room, and her light would spread, making others feel brighter, better. She would be passionate and fiery, and courageous. She’d never be afraid to tell the truth, no matter the consequences.

She’ll have different loves throughout her life—and then, maybe one true soul mate, an everlasting love. Or maybe not. She’ll be a beautiful hurricane.

The type of bravery it takes to walk away from something or someone you love, knowing that you are walking away not in weakness but in strength. Knowing that you will survive, because you are a survivor. She’ll be a survivor.

What other people say about you only matters if you believe what they are saying is true.

The quicker you accept a situation, the quicker you move through it and on from it. Let it go, and see what the universe drums up for you.

Please bring me a man who is strong physically and emotionally. Someone who is not afraid of risk, but who also puts me in my place. Someone who values equality, and humor, and who keeps me feeling alive. I want a man who I can ski with, who I can travel with, and someone I can be silent with. I want a best friend. I want someone who is loyal to me and loyal to his friends. Someone who is willing to stick his neck out and fight for good. I want someone brave who understands me and loves me unconditionally, and sees my mess, and loves me in spite of it. Someone who holds me and makes me feel the way Chet did. Someone who considers me throughout his day and is able to put my needs before his own and his before mine, when necessary. Someone who holds my hand when we’re sleeping.

want a guy who is financially independent, but he doesn’t have to be rich. I want him to have the freedom to traipse around the world with me, and the desire to make it happen. I want someone with morals and courage. I want a man who can challenge my thinking, who can ski like a champ, and someone who is sensitive enough to read me.

I want to connect with a man in a way I haven’t yet. Please send me someone with a great head of hair and I don’t care what the color or creed. I want my match. I believe I deserve love. If you don’t send him to me, I will sur...

The people who don’t get you are not your problem. Sitting around and thinking of all the people who don’t love you or don’t want to hang out with you diminishes your own light. Focus on where the light and love come from and park yourself in front of that. There are many moments in life when your own light is all you need.

I was not going to ever make another woman feel unwelcome, and I was certainly never going to invite another person to do something with me and then treat them badly, or compete with them.

you can’t heal anyone with anger.

When men realize you don’t need anything from them, they have trouble recognizing their own added value.

each person you love brings value that you didn’t have before. That just because a relationship is over doesn’t mean you have been defeated.

not to get into another serious romantic relationship until I could behave in a mature, trusting way and pick someone who could offer the same things back to me.

am not here because of you; I am here by way of you, I kept reminding myself.

To know that the only thing to do when you are in deep pain is to give out love to any friend or stranger who is in need, so that’s what I did. I expanded my love, my generosity, my virtue, my patience, and my soul. Open, open, open. Love out.

Let it run out, and then you will be able to see how you really feel, I kept telling myself whenever I was overcome with emotion. I had

to be joyful for another when they have found what you just lost. Being able to do that is a sign that you are growing.

world is more profound and meaningful when I am full of the deep love I am capable of having for myself.

that time to get to know yourself. To be with yourself and read and travel and spend time with your family, friends, and anyone whom you love and who loves you. This time we get with ourselves is when some of our most seminal growth occurs. In these moments, instead of spending our energy resisting the reality of the situation, we can accept the situation; we can remember that there is a bigger love story waiting for all of us if we pay close enough attention. You loving yourself. That is the story. You are the love of your life.

really was interested in right now was having multiple different love affairs with men all over the world, and some repeat customers. No dishonesty, just vibrancy, aliveness, and a port in every storm. I want someone in Mallorca, someone in New York, London, L.A. (which was proving to be nearly impossible), and Whistler. “I want to be having more sex and with different people,” I said right before embarking on a three-month vacation across the globe.

There is no rush in finding this love. I am loving being single and untethered and laughing, and living. But I will remain open to the possibility when the right person comes along. I will remain ready for anything you serve me. I remain grateful for every person who comes into and out of my life. I am grateful for the joy as well as the pain.

It is up to you to foster your boldness and greatness, and with every year I am learning how to grow up and out and love harder and deeper with less fear, less anger, and to always, always be a sister.

the calm and patience I have gained through growth and learning more and doing better. No one is unrecoverable. You can change your life anytime you want.

Be honest about who you are, and let people decide if they like you. And be less selfish. Selfishness never led to a good ending. It’s the worst part of every story. It’s so much cooler to be generous, even when you feel like you don’t have much to share.

never hoard success or claim it as your own. It belongs to more than just you. And to know that the most important metric of success is how willing you are to share it with others, and how diligent you are about storing up a surplus of kindness for strangers.

Now it’s your job to keep that candle lit, and not to let anyone, including yourself, blow it out. You are effulgent. You are true. You are a bright beam of generosity. Don’t stop what you’re doing, because you are on your way to great things. Hold on to the light. Look in the mirror every day and tell yourself, Hello, beautiful, what great things are we going to get up to today?