We Can Do Hard Things: Answers to Life's 20 Questions

by Glennon Doyle

If my kid comes home and says, “Hey, I got in trouble today because I was talking while the teacher was talking. They said I was being disrespectful,” I could respond with control: “You need to go upstairs. And you need to send an email to this teacher. Apologize for being disrespectful.” But that is control as opposed to connection, which is “God, that must have been really hard.” Then you hear “Yeah, I was just asking if they had an extra pencil. I’m really sorry.” You have to ask: What does support look like? What can I do? I can listen. I can help. I can say, “I know you’re not inherently disrespectful, and I know it means a lot to you, so that had to have been really tough and maybe embarrassing.” Amanda: And what are you controlling in that situation, Brené? Because what I would be controlling in that situation is my own embarrassment. Brené: That’s it. It’s how you’re perceived as a parent. I want to be the parent who has the kid that’s not disrespectful, that apologizes via email. Everything around control really comes back to some level of fragility around our own worth.