Axe Backwards (Maine Lumberjacks, #4)

by Daphne Elliot

Some days just the sight of her made it hard to breathe. That was the funny thing about grief. It was always there, in the shadows, waiting to step into the light as a reminder of how bad things could get. A testimony to how much a person had lost. The day I stood in front of a judge and learned that I would be caring for this child changed me on the cellular level.

“We’re just friends. Also, he’s a firefighter, not a lumberjack.” Alice dropped to the floor next to me. “Lumberjack is not a vocation.” She giggled. “It’s a state of being.”

This man, a wall of muscle, ink, and chest hair, held this tiny baby like she was the most precious thing to ever exist. Her distress was causing him physical pain.

“Wow.” Fuck. It was like I’d never seen a pretty girl in a bathing suit before. Scratch that. I’d seen lots of pretty girls. But I’d never seen a woman so sexy. Her proximity made it hard to breathe.

Shit. Was she right? Was I falling in love with Noah? My heart ached at the idea. “I’m scared.” My words were barely a whisper. I was already in so deep. Noah and Tess had carved out a place for themselves in my heart. Losing them would hurt so much more than Graham’s betrayal. Tears pricked at my eyes, and before the first could escape, I was crushed by hugs. “You’ll find a way.” Alice held me tight. “It’s gonna look different from what you expected, but isn’t that the whole point?” Becca stroked my hair. “Life is full of surprises. Good things are coming.” I closed my eyes and let the tears fall. Maybe my friends were right. Maybe I was capable of more than I gave myself credit for.

“Let me guess. Now you’re in love with her, but you’re not sure if she loves you back. If you want to ensure that she’ll fall in love with you, I’ll tell you what I told Cole: chop some wood.”

“I’m not in love with her.” He coughed, sending crumbs flying. “Gross.” I took a step back. “Fine, maybe a little.” There was no use lying. “But right now, I’m spinning. We were friends, good friends, and now we’re…” “More?” I nodded. “It’s not fake anymore.” “Does it feel real for her too?” “I’m not sure. We didn’t exactly talk things through the other night, and she’s been working on the lumberjack competition.”

I smoothed Tess’s hair and studied her beautiful face as she slept, so damn grateful to have her in my arms. It had taken a few hours to get the fire out, and the building was severely damaged. The first-floor apartment was completely destroyed, and everything Vic owned was gone.

“Look at the spare bedroom,” Jude said, his shoulders pulled back with pride. With a wave, Henri led us into a small room off the kitchen. “My brother Remy built the bookcases.” One wall was floor-to-ceiling bookcases and on the other was a beautiful crib. A rocking chair stood in the corner, flanked by baskets overflowing with toys and blankets. “Mom did some shopping.” Jude pulled the closet door open, revealing rows of brand-new baby clothes. “You didn’t have to do all this.” My voice was hoarse with emotion. It was incredible how quickly they’d gotten all this set up. We’d only been at Alice’s house for a few hours. Back in the kitchen, Mom was pulling her famous peanut butter cookies out of the oven. “Lovewell moves fast,” she said, eyes glinting. “I sent a few texts, and people started showing up. The crib was Thor’s. They don’t need it since he’s already learned to jump out of it. The rocking chair came from Pascal and Parker Gagnon.” Tears welled in my eyes and my heart clenched as she talked about all the people who’d gone out of their way to help. “The food brigade will start tomorrow. This freezer will be full,” Mom joked.

“I think we’re really lucky.”

I couldn’t stop staring at the two of them. I wasn’t sure I’d ever sleep again. Not when I’d have to watch over my girls and keep them safe.

“Mrs. Randolph, I have no idea what crawled up your ass, but your daughter is an incredible person. The judgmental looks, the snide remarks, and the constant hand-wringing are no longer welcome in her life. You should be ashamed of yourself and of the way you behave toward your daughter.” Eyes bulging, Alex rubbed her rounded belly. “Who do you think you are?” Noah turned slowly to face her, a slow smile spreading across his face. “I’m the man who intends to marry her.”

“That is, if she’ll even consider getting married again. You”—he pointed at Graham—“ruined that institution for her, so thanks for that, you feckless prick.”

Alex huffed. “Don’t talk to my husband like that.” “And you? You better hope you’re half the mother Vic is. She’s done nothing but nurture my daughter and show love, kindness, and devotion to her since the day we met. Caring for others is her superpower. She can’t bear the suffering of any child. Did you know that she doesn’t pay herself? She’s working her ass off for free so she can devote every penny to feeding hungry people. Tell me, what was the last selfless thing you did?”

“All she asks for in return is your respect and a little kindness. And you can’t even be bothered to give her that.”

“I’ve spent my life trying to impress you, trying to live up to the family name. Trying to be the perfect daughter. I know now that I’ll never be what you want me to be. The good news is that you already have two of those daughters. So you can leave me alone.” Mom’s face pinched. “You’ve always been such a disappointment.” Normally, those words would gut me. Today, they didn’t even register. I no longer needed her approval. “You’re the disappointment.” I breathed deeply and pulled my shoulders back. “After all these years, you’re still insecure and superficial. You’ve pushed me away and you’ve pushed Alexandra and Elizabeth into miserable marriages. You ignore your grandkids and spend all your energy chasing status. It’s a shame all your money can’t buy any self-awareness.” My mother scoffed. “Please leave,” I said. “This is my home, my town, and my family.”