The Situationship (Part of Your World, #3.5)

by Abby Jimenez

Fucking Amber. I hated that woman. I hoped her next mugshot was a really shitty one that went viral.

“You will not murder me. I will murder you,” I said. “And I’ll cover you in honey so the pig eats your body and they’ll never find you.

“Going with Doug to see a dick rock. If I disappear, I’m burying a body and I’ll be home by dinner.”

Emma: Daniel said he just got a text from Doug saying he’s taking you to Dick Rock and if he goes missing it was you who killed him ???

“You said you have a petting zoo?” I asked. “Yeah.” “What’s in it? A bunch of tiny cocks?” “Russell Crow’s the only tiny cock on my farm.” He managed to get a laugh out of me. He was grinning. “I’ve got a miniature donkey, some hens, a couple of rabbits, a baby goat—” “Let’s go.” He had me at baby goat.

Women should snoop. Snooping saves lives. Lets you know if you’re in the house of a serial killer or a married man or a guy with a closet full of Sharpies to draw dicks on trails.

I took a bite and had to close my eyes. It was incredible. It was probably the best thing I’d ever eaten and the man pulled it out of his ass in less than ten minutes. This was a love language to me.

Do you always ask such invasive questions?” “Do you always answer them?” “I do if I’m not ashamed of the answers,” he said, licking honey off his thumb. Green flag, green flag, green flag.

“Are you going to play the guitar for me or not?” “You are so bossy.” “Do you want me to leave?” “Not even a little.” He grinned.

Maybe I was a mean little protective chicken. Maybe I was starting to feel a little protective of him. This nice, unbothered, lonely man who didn’t care what people thought and probably rarely asked for help, even when he needed it.