Jilted

by Vi Keeland

For all the ladies who have had their hearts broken standing at the altar. Fuck him. Someone who deserves you is coming soon.

“You’ll get your day. And it’ll be with someone who deserves you next time. Josh was too boring and ordinary anyway.” I smiled sadly. “Thank you for saying that.” “And he won’t have a needle dick. You deserve an ankle spanker.”

Wilder leaned over and whispered, “Your friend approves.” I spoke through a sugary smile. “Bite me.” He chuckled. “Later for that, love.”

“Let me buy you a drink?” “The drinks are free.” “Two then?”

“The polite thing to do when you dance with someone you barely know is to leave room for Jesus.” His lip twitched. “What?” “I went to an all-girls Catholic school. A few times a year we had these dances where we could invite boys, and that’s what the chaperones would say if they noticed our bodies touching—leave room for Jesus.” He smiled. “Well, I’m cutting Jesus out of this one. You feel too good to leave an inch.”

“Damn. That sounds like a lot of guns pointed my way if I do something wrong.”

Right this way, to the other half of the I-hate-everything matching set.

I was tired of staying in and reading self-help books to figure out who I was. It was time I figured it out by living. So I picked up my phone and texted.

“Fair warning, Cupcake. When I come into your room—not if, but when—the gentleman in me will be staying at the door.”