Left of Forever (Spunes, OR, #2)

by Tarah DeWitt

“I. Love. You. I would choose you. Over everything...

“I still would. I still ...

“Whatever you want from me, Ellis. It’s all yours. It’s always been yours.”

For the million and one kisses we’ve shared, I’ve never felt like this. I want to be in him and for him to be in me. I want to be Ellis. I want him to be me. I want to be one single body and spirit, and I want him to feel what I feel for him like air in his own lungs.

“I’m sorry. I was blaming myself. I thought I was killing you, because I didn’t want it the way you did, and then when you almost…”

“The worst had happened before. My mom getting sick. My dad. Sometimes the worst really does happen and I knew it could happen again. And I thought it was my fault and I just—I shut down.” “I’m sorry,”

“You wreck me,” he murmurs. “God, your pussy’s sweet. So pretty all over. My memory never did you justice.”

“I’m not gonna last, baby. I should get you there first.”

“Don’t you dare leave me,”

“You said our house. Does that mean you’ll move back home?”

“For the water pressure?”

“For everything we can do in a shower there,”

“How about I remind you?”

“Good,” he said. He held my eyes and spit on my clit. “You belong back home with me.”

“Do you remember when you asked me if I believed in something like fate? Well, the truth is, I don’t want to. I hate that fate or chance or fucking luck can get any of the credit for us finding our way back to each other.

“It terrifies me to think that I might’ve let this life go by without finding my way back to you. Never again, Wren. I promise. Never again. I’m not letting you go. And if you’re mad at me about this and if you think I kept this from you to manipulate you or something, I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to you that I didn’t, if you’ll let me. If you won’t have me back anymore, then I’ll find you in the next life. You are the only thing that makes me believe in that. In something bigger than myself. The way I have felt about you has been the

only thing that’s felt like … like it can’t be contained in one body or lifetime.”

“But are you about done trying to prove yourself?” “I don’t know,” I say, heart in my throat. “You tell me.”

“I wanted it to be you, anyway,” she says wetly. “I wanted it to be you.”

“That’s okay, baby. Be mad at me forever,”

“Thank you. Thank you for doing this. For making this trip happen,”

“Would you be offended if I asked you to bring me home a day early?” she asks, punctuating it by nipping my jaw. “I want to come home now.”

“Oh my god,”

“You … the letters. When I talked about traveling?” The warm beach in Santa Cruz. The Italian villa; a replica of one and in California, sure, but as close as I’ve ever been to drinking wine on an Italian villa. And now he’s brought me to an Irish festival full of dancing.

“Sorry I couldn’t get you to Europe, Byrd, but even if this didn’t go the way I hoped, I wante...

“Even if yo...

put it together, at least I’d ...

“This was better. All of it was better,”

I hug him against me like I’m reminding myself that this is real again, that we’ve really come back to one another. He lays a kiss to my temple. “I love you, Byrd.”

I kiss his chin, then his lips. “I love you.”

He’s mine again and I want everyone to know it. I want him to feel found and chosen by me, as much as I feel by him.

“Good. I don’t want to wait, either,” he says.

“Marry me.”

“What?” he asks. “Or not, I don’t know. I just—” “You can’t take it back!” he says defensively. He starts pecking kisses all over my face. “Haven’t you ever proposed before?” “I’m”—peck—“out of”—peck—“practice.” “You have to give the other person time to adequately freak out,”

“I didn’t give myself time to adequately think about it before I asked!”

“You didn’t ask, you ...

“I have no choice but to say yes no...

“We don’t have to. We could just be together.”

“No. I want the whole thing this time. I want to make you my wife again. We deserve a celebration.”

“Good.” I laugh. “I want Sam to be there. I want you in a tie.” “I want you to have a pretty bouquet....

“I want to write some vows.” I kiss his chi...

I disappear into the feel of her lips, the scent of her mixed with all the smells of home, and it’s like I’ve finally come alive under my own skin again. The version of me I was meant to be, misshapen heart finding its matching piece. By the time we come back up for air, we’re being circled in a hug by everybody.

“Dad and I want to get back together,”

“Yes, Mom. I’d…” He put his forefinger and his thumb into each eye, trying to jam back his tears. “Yeah, I would feel okay about that,” he’d said.

“We have whatever’s left of forever, you and me.”

If you’re lost, I’ll find you. I’ll give you my body, my heart, and my soul. I’ll cherish every bit of yours in return. I’ll fight with you. I’ll fight for you. I’ll love you for everything left of forever, in every lifetime we get.

“I’ll save you a seat, Byrd.”

“Robbed of my moment to tell you all about my heroes, Wren and Ellis Byrd,” Silas adds.

“You see … my brother was always my hero. And you might think there’s nothing special about that; every younger brother looks up to his sibling. I think sometimes that’s a by-product of proximity and that person being older and cooler than you, but in my case, Ellis was never even remotely cooler, so…”

“Ellis taught me how to tie my shoes and how to shave, but above all else, he taught me what kind of man I should aspire to be. I know everyone thinks he’s this calm and careful guy. Hell, he’s the first one to say he thinks he’s been too careful in his life. But I’ve always seen the truth.”