The Thrashers

by Julie Soto

I slipped away with the hum of a slow dance in my veins.

Lucy always seemed pretty badass when she had a few drinks in her, but Jodi knew that the real reason she stole guys’ drinks was because she knew they wouldn’t be drugged. She’d told Jodi that she had to learn that trick the hard way freshman year.

The last person Jodi befriended had killed herself on prom night.

I CAN’T LISTEN TO MRS. HUBERMAN TALK ABOUT MITOSIS—NOT WHEN JODI IS SITTING NEXT TO ME. SHE’S FASCINATING. I THINK I COULD BE HER IF I TRIED.

There’s no reason for you to know about it. It’s okay if you lie. But I thought it was important for you to know that your friends didn’t care about Emily Mills at all. You were the only one that did.”

She’d been to all of Lucy’s track meets. She’d sat through a Model UN meet last year for Paige. She had pulled back both girls’ hair and pressed a cold towel to their necks whenever Paige or Lucy drank too much. She’d driven Julian and Zack home without a license whenever they were too blitzed. And here she was sitting in a bathroom alone, not even sure if she’d locked the door, but too far away to crawl to it to check.

Julian had come to Our Town for some reason. He was the only person who had been showing up for a while. She hadn’t thanked him.

Maybe she wasn’t meant to survive this. She couldn’t swim. Maybe she should have died sixteen years ago, and now death had come to collect.

She was an afterthought. She wondered how long she’d been an afterthought.

In the silence, the lab had the atmosphere of a confessional.

“When I got to the car, your window was only half-down and your seat belt was still on.” She could tell him about Paige’s shoe to her face, or remind him about her inability to swim, but she just swiped a new line at a new window. “Did you give up when the car flooded,” he whispered, “or before it even left the bridge?”

“Dad never let me near a pool because my mom drowned in our bathtub after taking too many painkillers.” And after a pause, “I was in the tub with her. I think she wanted me to die, too.”

There wasn’t pity in his gaze or a rush to say the right words. He just looked at her and saw her. “Maybe she did. But I don’t want you to,” he said. Like it was as simple as that.

His breath crested over her forehead, and she thought of him coming to see Our Town, and how he’d come after her tonight when no one else bothered. How she would have let herself drown if he hadn’t outright refused.

And she wondered what it was they were doing, and if it was wise to let him crack her chest open a second time, just to see if he fit inside.

He didn’t follow her out, and she realized that Julian would have. No matter what she told him to do, he would come after her.

She pressed her lips together, not bothering to correct his assumption that “no” meant “not now.”

But he wasn’t like Paige and Lucy. Zack had actually done something wrong. But because of a wrong date, he didn’t have to live with the consequences. And Julian was in juvie.

“You didn’t like her,” Hannah said matter-of-factly, shrugging. “It happens. But you don’t have to like someone to be kind to them. You came over after school and talked with her. You let her annoy you. You gave her something to look forward to every day. I think that’s being kind.”

There was a lot about Emily Mills that Jodi wished she knew when she was alive. She was manipulative and obsessive, but she was also taken advantage of in multiple ways. Jodi couldn’t lie and say that she missed her, but she did wish things had been different.

It’s impossible to stay what we were, so let’s just see what else we can be.”

I might miss the show this semester, but do you think you could save a ticket for me for spring?”

He ignores me. Like he’s done for a year now.

OK WELL NOW I HAVE QUESTIONS

I know he wants to, but he’s vindictive enough to keep himself from her if it will keep me from her.