I slap a hand over my mouth to hide my scream as a link comes through for a playlist titled “M0n$teR FuqKing.” The only song is “Monster Mash” … added sixty-nine times. I have to bite down hard on my tongue so I don’t alarm anyone with the quiet laughter making my entire body shake. I do a quick Google search of the song’s lyrics—because I am a normal person and don’t have them all committed to memory—then fire back with: you can come to the master bedroom where the vampires feast [on this pussy] Rylie’s reply is obnoxiously fast: Eva, please. We’re at a charity event for children. That’s so
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