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“Your apology doesn’t count, Tyler. You’re not apologizing because you’re sorry—only because you got caught. If you want to be a real man, apologize when you mean it, or it never will count for anyone. And don’t think you can fool them. People know when you mean it and when you don’t.”
But you have to love the light and the dark in a human being for longevity in any relationship. All of that person, that’s what true commitment is.”
BLINK. BLACK.
“But it’s Big Bird,” Jane counters.
Backspace. Backspace. Backspace. Delete. Hold.
Backspace. Backspace. Backspace. Backspace. Backspace. Delete. Hold.
“Call me a boy one. More. Fucking. Time,”
This is where I prove to you that a man can be worth waiting for.
“It’s crazy where a day can take you”—I widen my eyes—“trust me on this.
To others, she’s a junkyard dog everyone believes should be put down. But wounded animals—especially when cornered—are their most vicious because of hurts others can’t see.
That common bond explained my need to be with you because our scars matched and lined up so perfectly. But beyond that, it’s because we both felt like we’d lost a sacred place, a safe haven we both needed because that’s something we both need to feel whole.”
“We might have come together because our scars matched, and we recognized we were missing the same thing, but we fell in love because we became the thing we both needed for one another, and that’s a sense of security, of home.”
I came back that day to spend time with the woman who recognized and embraced my darkness, as I did hers, and shaped me into her soldier. The woman who now and forever harbors the only place inside her that I will ever know that peace, home,”
Her chin wobbles as she shakes her head. “I hate her so much!” “Who, Delphine? Who do you hate?” “The woman . . . who gets to have you after me. The woman who”—her voice cracks—“the woman who deserved you all along. Who will give you children—I hate her!”
“To what?” I snap back. “I get to live? You aren’t that ignorant. I have to bury you while you’ll be completely unaware of any of that pain. God or no God, you’ll be in a perpetual state of bliss or ignorance while I reject any life without you, fucking forcing myself through every breath. So no, I don’t feel sorry for you, Delphine, because you get to die, and you won’t be the one left behind. I wish . . . fuck what I wish.” I swallow. “I have to fucking survive losing you. I have to live through it, and if I ever do pray to the God you believe in, it’ll be that it won’t be long-term.”
She’s not here. I could search the entirety of this earth, and I won’t find her. That’s death.
“Which makes you birds of a feather,”
Her voice echoes back to me one last time as my severed heart beats soundly for the first time in years. Even if it remains in pieces.
