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stunning alphabet wizard
“Goddamn, Annie Bananie. You look like the kind of woman who remembers to switch her laundry from the washer to the dryer.”
The tattooed skins of lumber sacrificed to the gods of literature?
“Something you should know about me,” he said. “I need verbal confirmation and consent for most things.”
“Get on your knees.” I let out an exasperated breath. “Didn’t really think we were that close yet.” “Not like that, you adorable little perv.”
“The author’s understanding of the male orgasm sounds like a traumatic experience more akin to a kidney stone. Or possibly duct taping uranium to the scrotum. Romance novel men, apparently, don’t come. They’re just ejecting glowing plasma from scrotal radiation poisoning.” He turned the page and gasped. “I’m concerned for this dude’s health. Why is his—uh—byproduct described as stringy ropes?”
“Velvet love taco?!” He yanked his reading glasses off, letting them hang around his neck. “Straight to jail.”
My pulse thundered, and heat flushed my face. I really needed to carry a taser.
“I’m friendly. He wants to fuck you.” I wanted to fuck her too, but that was entirely beside the point.
“As long as they get theirs and they think they did their job, everyone’s happy.” “You shouldn’t be giving out participation ribbons.”
He ended the call and pitched my phone across the room.
“I don’t fucking share. Not your body. Not your brain. Not your attention.” He
“Are you gonna piss a circle around me?” “If I thought it’d work, I would. But considering he seems like the type to wrestle bears in the woods, I doubt he’d be deterred by a little piss,” he clipped before stepping back into the shadows. “Remember who you belong to, Ms. West.”
“Okay, listen up, alphabet hussy. No guy wants his—” I glanced around the crowded plane “—member to be velvet anything. Why the hell would it be furry?”
“It’s not a photo-op. There’s no wig involved. And it’s the closest I could get to taking you out on a date with how crammed Ophelia made your schedule. I was tempted to start deleting things out of your calendar.”
“Uh, not that kind of haunted house. More like … the basement is haunted.”
I looked around frantically. My attention fell to the spines of the books behind me. “You are not going to fuck me against Willow and Wander’s books,” I hissed. Miles smirked as he unzipped his trousers and rolled the condom on. “I don’t think they’d mind. And technically I’ll be fucking you against your books too, Ms. West.”
“Sex isn’t math. We’re not solving a problem for a specific outcome. It’s art. Sometimes it’s the most extraordinary painting and sometimes it’s a doodle just for shits and giggles.”
“How about this—when we fly home, I’ll take you to the opera and we can find out together.” That shut her up. “What’s the matter?” I asked quietly. Annie just shook her head. “You make it sound like a date.” “It would be. I want to date you.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Who thought meat curtains would be a good description of the happiest place on earth?”
“Should I expect you back tonight?” my mother asked as we said our goodbyes. I chuckled. “Absolutely not.” “Good,” Grandma stated definitively. She pulled Annie into a back-breaking hug. “Come back anytime. Come back as Annie. Come back as Whitney. Come back as my grandson’s wife. I don’t care. You pick.”
“Still freaking out about this?” “Yes. I told you. I don’t date. I’m not going to be good at being in a relationship. Are you forgetting about the whole “married to my jobs” thing?” He chuckled, eyes raking up and down my body appreciatively. “That’s alright.” His fingers grazed my bare arm. “I plan on being married to mine.”
“You can’t be freaking out right now. What’s the rule?” “Only one person can freak out at a time.” “Annie’s probably freaking out right now,” she said. “So, I’m sorry to say that you’ll just have to wait your turn.”
I wasn’t sorry at all. Good for fucking her. I hope she stole his TV remotes and hid raw chicken around his house, too.
Alona and I looked up just in time to see Cole, in a ghillie suit, hop down from a tree branch that was ten feet up. A sniper rifle was slung over his shoulder. “I did.” Alona rolled her eyes. “Of course you would travel with a ghillie suit in your vehicle.”
