Don't Be In Love

by Liana Cincotti

If she was going to believe what everyone else thought, then fine.

If Dorian was catastrophic storms, then James was the light rain that followed. His voice always quiet and comforting like small patters of rain droplets against your window on a summer night.

“You guys can’t avoid each other forever.”

“He wants to see you,” he finished.

“You know that’s not what I meant. I prefer you in every room.” He looked up and it felt so vulnerable.

“Just because we have a deal doesn’t mean I don’t respect your boundaries.”

I wish I could avoid his gaze. But he was magnetic, constantly pulling me in, even when he didn’t mean to. Then he trapped me with that hauntingly handsome, serious look.

My mind was whirling with thoughts of her. Talking to her. Watching her lean over me. Feeling her hands on my chest. Having her in between my legs.

“What do you want me to say? That I’ve fallen madly in love with her and think about her every waking second as if she’s poisoned me?” “Brother, I’m proud of you for finally being honest with yourself.”

“Well, I’m happy you got here on time. Wouldn’t want you to miss my birthday.” “Oh, I wouldn’t dare.”

“And I’d let you lead me wherever you’d like, Ms. Adorno. Maybe without a stiletto in my leg though.”

I never understood what people meant when they said words carried weight, because people almost never meant what they said. But right now, I got it. Because his words felt so full, so serious, that if they were physical entities, I could hold them in my hands, and they’d pull me right down.

But this time, it gave me a moment to breathe him in. As if I was in a museum trying to pull the meaning of a painting from its use of light.

Brina and Mia were my only family. But they’d also be busy building their own families.

Was I just a collection of the things no one wanted?

You’re letting your preconceived notions of love and relationships affect this when you could be taking a chance.”

Even from behind him his presence made my heart hammer. His coat was tossed on the ground,

“Admit that I wanted to be around you? I didn’t think that was something I had to disclose.” I adjusted her hat.

“You keep me up every night. I dream about August. And I dream about the night before Halloween when we kissed. And I dream about seeing you kiss someone else. I dream about things that haven’t even happened.”

“Tell me something, Adelaide. Because I care for you so much that I’m losing sleep over it.”

“The mistakes I regret the most are the ones I didn’t allow to happen. You have to make decisions with purpose, knowing that they may not be around forever. Whether that mistake could be not asking your aunt about the past or letting that handsome friend slip from your life.”

It wasn’t until I got into bed that night that I allowed myself to cry again. I didn’t even feel sad. I was infuriated. Tears just happened to slip out in between.

But the worst part of all, was that I missed him. I hated him. But I missed him.

“I believe him. And I think he’s probably been meaning to say much more than that for a while.”

I missed her.

London was calling me home all week. But it was in the form of her heartbeat rather than the nostalgia of my childhood.

“I’m trying to build a career here. A life.” Her voice softened. “I’ll never be taken seriously if my name is only ever attached to yours … so no one can ever know about us. No one can ever see us together. You have to pretend that you never met me.”

I was numb.

Suddenly, we were strangers again.

Was this what people meant by heartbreak? Because it felt less like my heart was breaking and more like I wanted to drown in a cookie ‘n’ cream frappe

Don’t be in love with him, my heart pleaded. Please don’t.

Sabrina’s moving to Scotland, and Mia’s moving back home. ​I was trying to digest it, but it wasn’t working. I knew distance would form between us at some point in life, but I didn’t expect it to happen this quickly. Not right now.

A note: I should’ve given you this on your birthday. ​And a Beverly crescent bag. An original Beverly from the original the 90s collection.

One half of me prayed she wouldn’t come tonight, for my sanity. While the other half had this innate need to see her.

She was my favorite painting.

Before I could change my mind, I took her hand and pulled her into the center of the ballroom where everyone was dancing in unison.

I pulled her into my chest. With one hand on the middle of her back and the other in her palm, I was breathing fresh air and suffocating all at the same time. The feeling of her exposed leg through the slit of the dress against my thigh was causing the latter.

My heart reached my throat as her eyes shifted to my face. I wanted her. Every fiber of my being craved her. I swore it was written all over my face in permanent ink. I love you. I love you. I love you.

“Love, look at me,” he said, and I shivered.

“It’s my fault for not saying something sooner and reaching out first. This home will always be just as much yours as it is mine. So if you want to come home now, or after graduation, I’ll be here waiting for you.”

“I can’t stay in London for a guy.” “You wouldn’t be staying in London for him. I think he’d go anywhere for you if you left. But you came to London for you,” Iris explained.

“Because I think I love him.” My throat burned as I got out the words, clogged emotions escaping in one thin river down my nose. The room hushed as I wiped the tear.

“I have lost, because I can’t have him. He’s not mine to have.” “I think he would heavily disagree,” she replied.

“But what would life be without the satisfaction of succeeding after a fall?” Maureen asked.

Dorian was in a soaked black T-shirt and barn jacket under the awning outside. Reluctantly, I took the last step and stepped outside, jolting him. “What are you doing here?” I

“Because I want you to know that everything I’ve said to you is true. I want to be with you.”

There was rain in my shoes and rain in my pockets and rain coating my hair and skin, but I’d stand out here all night explaining what happened if it meant she’d understand.

“I don’t love her, I love you, and if you had stopped making up your mind before I had a second to finish explaining myself, you would’ve realized that this entire time I’ve been trying to give you the space you

but all I could think about was you. All I ever think about is you. You’re all I paint for God’s sake.”

“Are you sure that you love me? Because if you take it back in a few months or a few years, I don’t know if I’ll survive it when being in love with you has already been this treacherous.”