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Thankfully Freddie Mercury belting out one of my all-time favorite songs, “Don’t Stop Me
Now,” is drowning out whatever garbage is spewing from Todd’s mouth.
Bullet and G-Spot
“G-Spot, huh?”
“Todd could never f...
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“You have the taste meeting for the strawberry-flavored lube
options in five minutes.”
That’s one flavor we haven’t been able to perfect yet, unlike the chocolate that’s going to ...
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She’s wearing a diaphanous white dress, the kind appropriate for a young virgin about to be sacrificed to a dragon.
Rolling naked in a field of broken glass would be preferable to attending this idiotic
masquerade.
man-skank outfits.
No. Just no. I don’t need to see this.
Stop, I order my dick.
However, just because
something isn’t logical, it doesn’t mean people don’t do it.
behavioral ec...
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which studies the many ways people behave irrationally, contrary to ...
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Oh, cry me a river. I pull out champagne and make toasts when my father forgets my existence. If I
could, I’d make him think I was dead.
Dad apparently sent hookers to my brothers over the weekend, but somehow
forgot about me. Hopefully he’ll continue to forget. I can find my own bed partners, thank you very much.
“I wish you’d taken a cast of the Midnight God’s amazing premium penis,” she muses.
“Unfortunately, Todd’s dragged down your bar real low. His dick’s too small to be useful.”
I resist an impulse to make a V with my fingers and poke her eyes.
he’s as gross as a piece of gum stuck to the
bottom of your shoe.
I heard it was epic. Like Beowulf.” Julia sighs. “If English professors are saying that,
you know it’s good.”
There’s no secret Lori can keep, and everyone in the department is going to know about the Hello Kitty tattoo on
Todd’s ass before lunch.
Bisons will propel themselves to Mars with their farts before I lift a finger to help
fund the research center.
Smiling takes entirely too much effort.
There’s supposedly
this powdered aphrodisiac that’s absorbed through the skin. When you want to seduce somebody, you just find some way to get it on the
other person’...
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I raise my head off the pillow and glare at my dick in the dark. Just how picky are you?
My penis stays silent, but it
twitches once. It feels like, Fuck ...
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“Listen to your fun box.
I’d rather skydive with a defective parachute.
everything about a man can lie except the eyes and penis.
Wow. That wasn’t what I thought she was going to say. So my guys are that persistent and strong, huh? It gives me an absurd sense of pride.
When donkeys start fucking
frogs I’ll thank him. Until then, he can go piss up a rope.
We might all be in a Matrix-style simulation anyway.
