Split or Swallow (Split or Swallow, #1)

by Lindsay Straube

It didn’t matter that he was a predator and she was his prey. Whatever happened next was inevitable. There was no stopping him, and she didn’t want to anyway. Caspen had a need that begged to be fulfilled. A hunger only Tem could sate. Her legs were open wide; every part of her was exposed. He feasted on her with reckless abandon, his head dipping over and over as he ravished her with his tongue. Tem was helpless, her hands pinned above her head by the warm tendrils of smoke. It didn’t matter; she didn’t want to move anyway. There was nothing she wouldn’t let him do. No part of herself she wouldn’t give to him if he wanted it. His hunger awoke a twin flame in her—one that yearned to be fed. Tem could do nothing but surrender—to Caspen, to herself, to pleasure.

“Tem,” his eyes raked up her body, “I need you. Now.” She raised her gaze to his. “So have me.”

Tem watched the point of their connection in utter awe. She couldn’t believe how good they looked together—like her body was his sanctuary, and he was final⁠l⁠y coming home. They both wanted this. They both needed this.

Tem. Tem. Tem. Just her name. Over and over. He said it as if he could never say it enough—as if he were grounding himself in this moment, right here, with her. Tem had never been adored like this before. Caspen’s joy vibrated from his body to hers in an endless current. She couldn’t believe she was the source of such rapture. He wanted nothing and no one but her. All the times he’d been teaching her how to seduce the prince, he’d also been learning how to seduce her. He knew everything about her body; he knew how and where she liked to be touched, and how long to do it for. And she knew the same. Weeks of lessons had made Tem fluent in the language Caspen taught her to speak. She knew if she arched her neck, his nostrils would flair as he inhaled her scent. She knew if she squeezed his throat, he’d squeeze hers in return. Caspen. Caspen. Caspen. She chanted his name back, showing him his joy was reciprocated—showing him they were unbreakable.

Just when she thought she couldn’t go on, Caspen sent her an insistent wave of his own desire, which was ten times the caliber of her own. She couldn’t believe she was having this effect on him. She’d always known it was difficult for him to resist her, but now that she was in his mind, she saw exactly what it was like for him to be with her in this way. Every sound she made sent him into a furor. He sought pleasure from her pleasure. He had waited so long for this, and now she was finally here, wrapped around his cock, his for the taking. He never wanted to let her go.

He held her face to his, their mouths consuming each other’s moans. It felt as if Tem were unleashing a lifetime of trying to fit into a box that was too small for her—two decades worth of trying and failing to find her place in a world that did⁠n’t care who she was and didn’t expect her to be anything more. Her place was here. With Caspen. Extraordinary. Tem barely heard him. She felt only the most intense and searing pleasure she’d ever felt in her life as she fell apart, just for him. In the aftermath, Tem knew peace. One look at Caspen told her he knew the same. His face was relaxed, his expression the most carefree she had ever seen it. He was looking only at her: nothing else drew his focus. She was the most important thing in the world to him. As he was to her.

When his head fell back on the mattress his eyes were wild—dark and bottomless—as if she were looking into the depths of a never-ending well. There was so much desire there—so much naked hunger and unrestrained strength, the depths of which were so unfathomable Tem felt momentarily afraid. She remembered without a shadow of a doubt that although he wore his human form, he was a monster. She saw the darkness fade, his chest rising and falling as he steadied his breathing, slowly returning to himself. What had she gotten herself into?

I know you want my cock, Tem. You woke up wanting it, and you want it even more now. I know exactly how wet you are for me. Your pussy is mine. So give it to me. She closed her eyes, but he didn’t stop talking. Give me what is mine, Tem. I know you want to. I know you want my cock all the way inside you. An inch went in. Let me in so I can make you come. And as soon as you come, I will lick you clean, and then I will make you come again. Let me in, Tem. Another inch. Let. Me. In. Her eyes flew open. There you are.

There, in the middle of the square, were two stone statues. They were hunched on the cobblestones, cowering with their hands above their heads, as if in an attempt to protect themselves. Flayed ribbons of dried blood splattered the ground around them. Tem’s stomach turned to ice as she immediately recognized their faces. Jonathan and Christopher.

“That’s Caspen?” Gabriel hissed. “Yes.” “You little liar.” “Excuse me?” “You little liar, Tem. You failed to mention that he was a perfect specimen of a man.” “He’s not a man.” “Trust me, Tem. That’s a man.” Tem rolled her eyes. “Would you please behave? This is hard enough without you gawking at him like he’s some kind of deity.” “Have you seen him? He is some kind of deity.” “For Kora’s sake.” “I’ve never seen a more beautiful man.” Tem sighed. Neither had she. “I can’t believe you get to have sex with him.” Tem sighed again. Neither could she.

“Then what do you want from me?” His hand slid slowly down her arm until his fingers were just brushing hers. Tem was distinctly aware of the way they were standing together, sequestered alone at the edge of the ballroom. The claw pulsed softly. “Everything.”

“I should rip that from her neck,” he pointed at Tem’s necklace. Caspen immediately angled himself so that he was between her and Rowe, his body acting as a shield. “Only if you wish to lose your hand.” “The way you protect her…” Rowe’s nostrils flared. “…disgusting.” “Say one more word,” Caspen hissed, and Tem felt a chill rush down her spine. “And you will join your father.”

cannot predict the future, Tem,” he said, his voice equally sharp. “I’m not asking you to. I’m just asking what you want.” “You know very well what I want.” “But I don’t,” she cried. “You never confide in me. You never tell me how you feel. You expect me to read your mind, then you get angry when I can’t do it. You’re the one who won’t let me in. Not the other way around.” Tem was on the verge of tears. She waited a moment before finishing quietly: “You never talk about the future. I…don’t know what I am to you.” Caspen was looking at her with unrestrained disbelief. She didn’t know if he was shocked by her words, or the way she had said them. Either way, it was a long time before he spoke, and when he did, his voice was barely a whisper: “You are my future. It is as simple as that.”

“This is not just a necklace,” he said softly. “Then what is it?” Caspen paused, his fingers stroking the charm. “It is…a gesture of intent.” Tem frowned. “Intent to what?” His eyes found hers. “To marry you.”

“How long have you loved me?” Caspen held her gaze as he whispered: “Far longer than you have loved me.”

As they looked at each other, something blossomed in Tem’s heart. There was a sincerity to his gesture that she appreciated more than he would ever know. To be told she was someone’s future wasn’t something Tem had ever expected to hear. She thought girls like Vera were the only ones who could catch the eye of a man—that every other girl in the world was worthy of affection but her. Caspen had shown her that wasn’t true. He’d opened her up—in more

“I am weak when it comes to you, Tem. I cannot control my actions. I cannot follow logic or reason. All I think about is you. I wonder what you are doing and who you are doing it with. I obsess over every moment you are with the human prince, and I want to rip his head from his shoulders every time he touches you. It is not rational. It is not acceptable. But it is my reality, and there is nothing I can do about it.”

“Temptation, salvation, heaven, hell. You are everything, Tem. You are my undoing. You are beyond comprehension. There are no sufficient words to describe you, either in my language or yours.” His hands moved to her face, cupping her jaw. “My compass points to you. I could not change direction even if I wanted to.”

“I am undone by you,” he said. “I crave your scent, your skin, your voice. I think about you all the time, to the point of destruction. You are unbearably overwhelming. I cannot resist you no matter how hard I try.”

“I am afraid of how much you mean to me. You occupy every inch of my mind. If anyone ever hurts you I will rip them apart. No one compares to you. No basilisk or human has ever captivated me the way you do. I want to fuck you all the time. I want to come inside you.”

“He looks sad,” Gabriel whispered, pulling Tem from her thoughts. Tem studied Leo’s face. His mouth was a tight line, his eyes on the ground as he walked. A wave of tenderness flowed suddenly through her. The last thing she wanted was to see Leo sad. To think he might be sad because of her was unbearable. Gabriel nudged her. “Guess you’ll just have to cheer him up.” To Tem’s surprise, she found that she wanted to.

Am I to share you? She was not the only one being shared. Leo had his own advantage in their silent battle of wills: he was not fully in her grasp, and she was an idiot to think he ever had been. Tem didn’t care that they were in public—she wanted nothing more than to run forward and rip Leo’s hands off of Vera. Instead she watched as he leaned in and kissed her straight on the lips.

Maybe she didn’t want him in the same way she wanted Caspen—maybe her connection with Leo wasn’t ethereal and otherworldly and magical the way it was with the basilisk. But it was real. It always had been. There was no denying that Tem was drawn to Leo just as he was drawn to her—that they needed each other in a way that couldn’t be defined. Leo wasn’t perfect. And Tem liked that.

“We kissed for too long,” she whispered. “Impossible,” he breathed. “I’d kiss you forever if I could.”

“You look beautiful, by the way.” “By the way? Is my beauty an afterthought?” Leo’s cheeks cracked into a smile. “So difficult to please.”

“Your opinion of me is more favorable than you let on.” Tem rolled her eyes. “And how do you know that?” “I’m here, aren’t I? You let me stay.” “You were a damsel in distress. I had to.” “You chose to, and I am very grateful.” Tem rolled her eyes again. His hand was still on her thigh. “Don’t get used to it,” she whispered. He smiled again, flashing those gold teeth. “I certainly won’t.”

“Is this what drew you away? The chicken girl?” Tem opened her mouth but Leo was already defending her: “Her name is Temperance. You might want to learn it, considering she’s going to be my wife.”

“I understand you don’t need me to take care of you,” he said quietly. “But it is my pleasure to do so.” Tem nodded, her throat suddenly tight. She knew Leo liked to take care of her. She remembered how he’d paid for her drinks at the Horseman—how he always made sure she had enough to eat. Such gestures were how he built trust between them. But it only worked when Tem let him do it, and nothing could be more difficult.

“And I understand—” he cut her off, leaning even closer, “—that your loyalty lies elsewhere. Contrary to what you may think, it is not my intention to make that more difficult for you. I know what it is to have an occupied heart. But I cannot help how I feel. And you’ve made it very clear that I am not entitled to any part of you—that your heart, as well as your body, are to be earned. I ask only for the chance to do so.”

Leo whispered: “What are we about to do, Tem?” Her mind was already blank, her arms wrapping around him. “Whatever we want,” she whispered back.

Her head was filled with a montage of her time with Caspen. She saw the moment they met in the cave, when she asked him to undress. There was their first kiss, from his perspective, as he wove his fingers into her hair and pulled her against his lips. She saw the time he almost transitioned. She saw him heal her after Jonathan. She watched as they fucked in his chambers for the first time, wild and desperate, two people who could finally be together without restraint. How long have you loved me? she’d whispered just last night. Far longer than you have loved me, he’d whispered back. Tem couldn’t take any more. She could barely breathe. But she drew on every ounce of strength she had left to send a single word down the fractured corridor of their minds: Stop.

Leo pulled her tightly into his arms as her shoulders shook. She sobbed against his skin, not bothering to hold back her tears, not bothering to pretend she didn’t feel every ounce of despair that Caspen felt. She was so tired of him shutting her out—of only letting her in when it was convenient for him—of making her feel like she was under his control. Tem wanted to think for herself, act for herself. How could she have a say in her future when she couldn’t even accept her own propos⁠al? Nothing was simple with Caspen; nothing was straightforward. It never had been. She resented him for driving her into Leo’s arms, and she hated how much solace she had found in them.

Not only was her relationship with Caspen hanging in the balance, but sudden⁠l⁠y, Leo had stepped up in a way she’d never thought possible. I know what it is to have an occupied heart, Leo had said. It was horrible, is what it was. Tem did not want to feel this way for two people—did not want to split herself in two.

Tem had no choice but to comprehend the most fundamental thing that now rang true: her heart was in two places, and things would not be easy for her. Leo. And Caspen. She loved them both. It shouldn’t have come as a shock to her—too many things had brought her gradually to this conclusion to make it any sort of a surprise. Still, she marveled at how she could feel such a draw to them both: how she could want two people in the same way: a way that was guttural and raw and real.

She was engaged to Caspen. Or nearly so. And one day—depending on factors well outside her control—she might be engaged to Leo too. Tem could imagine it now: walking down the aisle in a white dress, pledging herself to the human prince for the rest of their lives. It wouldn’t be difficult. It was merely an extension of everything she’d felt for him up until this point: a way to solidify their connection into something real—something tangible. And yet. Caspen was in her veins. He was in her blood, in her mind, in her soul. He was the breath in her lungs; he was her tether to life. Caspen was everything. So why did he make her feel so empty?

“What are your feelings for me?” Caspen sighed as if this was very difficult for him. “I love you.” His words should have been a soothing balm. Instead they were a cage—a trap that Tem would not fall for once again. “I know you do,” she said firmly. “And it does not help me.” She meant it. Nothing about Caspen’s feelings helped her—his love for her did not remedy her family’s reputation, his love for her did not solve her infatuation with Leo, his love for her did not ensure her future. Caspen’s love for her fixed exactly nothing, and Tem was utterly tired of that fact.

“I proposed to you because a life without you is not a life I care to live.”

Tem’s fingers touched the little golden claw around her neck. She thought about how it was made from Caspen’s body—from his blood. There were no words for what he had done. Her eyes found his. “Caspen,” she whispered. He pressed a single finger to her lips. “Tem,” he murmured. “It was worth it. For you, I would give anything.” His hands moved to either side of her face. “I love you.”

He was her home, and she was his. Their union was sacred. It was the truth.

Caspen held onto her as if his life depended on it. And maybe it did. Maybe, given what they were up against, all they really had was each other. Maybe this was the only thing that mattered—this fleeting minute—this cosmic moment of connection that could be taken away at any second. Tem only wanted him more—only wanted him deeper. If she could slice herself open and wrap herself around him she would. And she knew Caspen would do the same.

Her mother turned Tem’s hands over in hers, tracing the freckles on her palms. “You hold the stars in your hands,” she whispered. “Just like your father.” She’d said it a thousand times before. But this time she said it sadly, as if it were not a good thing.

“Mother,” Tem said quietly. “How do you know if someone loves you?” Her mother met her eye. “When they would sacrifice their happiness for yours.” Tem processed her words, wondering whether Caspen or Leo would sacrifice their happiness for hers. More importantly, would she sacrifice her happiness for theirs? Caspen was already asking her to choose a side. It was only a matter of time before Leo did too. But why should Tem be the one to make such a sacrifice? Why shouldn’t they be forced to choose her?

Tem imagined herself kissing Caspen. Then Leo. Then both. She lost herself in a vision of lips and hands and need, picturing the ways they could move with one another. It seemed a natural thing to her: to give herself to the men who loved her. Why shouldn’t they seek pleasure together? Why shouldn’t she be worshipped by the two people who wanted nothing more than to claim her as their own? She wanted to sit on one cock, then the other. She wanted to taste them both.

She watched herself through Caspen’s eyes, seeing everything he saw—seeing everything he loved. She felt how warm and wet her mouth was—how proud he was that she willingly took any part of him inside her. There was ownership in his gaze, but not control. He didn’t want to dominate her; he only wanted her all to himself. It was no different, really, than the way she felt about him. Tem wanted Caspen to belong to her and her alone. I already told you, Tem. You have me.

Basilisks experienced sex on a spiritual level—one that humans couldn’t hope to comprehend. It was as if he wasn’t complete until he was inside her, as if only a fraction of himself existed without Tem. She felt the way he listened to her body, adjusting his movements based on cues as subtle as her heartbeat. Even her skin told a story. Caspen’s fingertips sensed every bead of sweat, every goosebump, every tiny variation in temperature. He knew she was about to orgasm before she did; he could hear the difference in the cadence of her breath. Of all the things Caspen had taught her, Tem never thought she’d be learning how to have sex with herself. It was extraordinary.

The soothing wave of calm slowly dissipated. But Tem didn’t look at Caspen. Instead, she looked at the king, seeing everything she was about to touch. She knew she shouldn’t be turned on. She shouldn’t be. But she was. Tem couldn’t help it. The warmth she’d felt when the king first walked in had only increased the longer he was naked in front of her. She would understand if it was merely a physical sensation—she was looking at a beautiful body, after all. But Tem felt an odd, magnetic pull toward him that she couldn’t explain.

It would be a lie to say she wasn’t turned on by the ritual. She imagined the king was Caspen, and in a way, he was Caspen. The two men weren’t really so different. Both were intimidating. Both were powerful. Tem was attracted to that power: she always had been. She focused on the way his cock felt inside her, allowing herself to feel real pleasure, just for a moment. The moment she felt it, she pushed it in Bastian’s direction as hard as she could—as if she could reverse his infiltration into her mind, and infiltrate his instead. Bastian’s nostrils flared, his eyes narrowing to slits. In that moment, she knew she had him. With a single, final thrust, Tem came.

Basilisk after basilisk approached her, touching her briefly—never lingering—almost as if they wanted nothing more than to confirm that she was real. They touched her face, her hair, her lips. The men were strong and assured, the women soft and tender. Occasionally a hand would dip to her breasts, but every time that happened, Caspen let out a low growl, and the basilisk would retreat. Tem was close to finishing. The mere thought of doing so in front of all these people only made her want to more. She wanted to show them how good she was at this—how well Caspen had taught her.

Just hurt me, Caspen. No. Even if you’re gentle, I’m not going to make it. He shook his head. But they both knew she was right. Hurt me, Caspen. Then heal me. It’s the only way. I cannot. You don’t have a choice. I will not. But it was not a matter of will. I trust you, Caspen.

The fine line between pain and pleasure blurred until it was nonexistent, both sensations twining together in her body and her mind in a indistinguishable thread. Keep her safe. But Tem was fading. It had been too long a day; she had been through too much. Hours of sex had left her exhausted, and she was becoming a mere shell of herself. Keep. Her. Safe. Her body strained to take him but it was impossible. Caspen was ripping her apart—breaking her, just like Rowe hoped. Every time he pulled away, each ridge of his cock shredded her on its way out before he pushed back in again. Her blood was everywhere. Tem shut her eyes against the wave of panic gripping her like a vice. Then, with a horrible crack, Tem felt her pelvis break.