The Missing Half

by Ashley Flowers

But more than that, I learned years ago that numbness is better than pain. I’ve been not talking for so long, I’m not sure I’d even know how to start.

My fingers tighten around my bike handles. Most people’s reaction when they’re confronted is fight or flight. I freeze. And I hate myself for it.

Knowing everything I know now—that right around the time I was writing those angry texts to my sister was more or less the time she was in unspeakable danger—makes the little flame of self-loathing that lives inside my chest grow.

Grammar

“No, it’s not that. I just—I don’t want to plant some idea in your head and then have us only look in one direction. I want you to stay objective, you know? Open.”

So you lied to get Nic alone and ask her questions and never planned to tell her anything?

There was a look of fear in Kasey’s eyes when she told me to be careful that night. For some reason, late that summer, my sister was scared.

“Famous Jake’s is called Mesquite Barbecue now. Mesquite and Rosie’s Records—Jenna, they share a wall.”

I didn’t know what the hell it meant to be Christian, but I did know that church meant putting on an uncomfortable dress and sitting still as some man droned on about God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit, who were all the same person but also weren’t. Oh, and money. There was always a special part of the sermon to ask for money.

“Just the place next door. It’s called Mesquite.”

“But we were in the record store when we talked. Why would you have been in there if you weren’t working there?”

Oh, and there was this cute boy who worked at the yogurt shop across the street. We’d take turns going over there and seeing what free stuff we could get from him. Usually, he’d just give us tastes of the different flavors, but sometimes he’d pour sprinkles into a little cup.

I wonder if she ever told the police this

Lauren smiles softly, and I can see that to her, this memory is golden and light. If it were mine, it would carve a hole in me.

Again weird

As Lauren had spoken earlier, I was starting to catch glimpses of the girl I used to know. But now, she clears her throat, straightens Thomas’s shirt, and continues in her sweet, airy tone.

“What about the guy who worked at the yogurt shop?” Jenna says before I have the chance to respond. “Oh. That was nothing. He was just fun to look at.” “Can you remember his name?” Lauren’s eyebrows jump. “You think he might’ve had something to do with Kasey’s disappearance?”

“Oh gosh, I don’t think I can remember. John, maybe? Drew? I don’t know. Something short. Ben? No, that doesn’t sound right.”

Bet you it’s her husband

Brad clears his throat. After the investigation fizzled, we never did this, never dissected what happened that summer. He’s wide open compared to my dad, but even so, our tragedy is a heavy thing to hold. “I remember they said it would be someone on the outskirts of her life. He would’ve known her, but not necessarily the other way around.”

Weird response

“Does the name Steve McLean mean anything to you?” For a moment, he’s so still, I’m not sure he’s heard me.

“I…I don’t know. It doesn’t sound familiar.” “The police knew about him.” Brad’s chin juts back. “They did?” I nod. “They had his name?” “Yeah.”

Weird behavior 2.0

“Those two were—oh, what do you call them nowadays?—frenemies! That’s it. Best friends who hate each other. She would just talk and talk about how she was so sick of her friend, Kasey. How Kasey was ruining her life. How annoyed she was by Kasey.

“I saw her one day in the parking lot outside the restaurant, crying and waving her arms around. It was quite the show. If I’d thought to sell tickets, I could’ve made a boatload.”

Kasey spent the night at Lauren’s all the time.”

She SAID with Lauren

We were doing fine, and then the moment you came along—” She stops short. “Please just leave.” She

Meh don’t buy this much unless it’s her husband

“Nothing. I just realized I mentioned it to Brad too, but—” “Who’s Brad?” “I’ve told you about him,” I say. “He’s a family friend. He gave me my job at Funland.”

Omg if this turns into a was banging my friends daughter and she was going to tell my wife so I killed her thing I will scream

“You know about him and Kasey?”

Of course

Spent nights away with him. So, that’s why—” “Wait,” I say. “Kasey spent all those nights with you. At your house.” “That’s just what she said. Which was another reason we were fighting. I was sick of being her excuse, being complicit or whatever.”

I fucking KNEW IT

she and Brad could’ve been there for your parents earlier, the moment they found out Kasey went missing, but her family had been out of town. It was completely unprompted.

Ok so she’s covering for her cheating husband and a dumb 19 year old fell for it or she killed Kasey and Jules was killed Steve or some other person and they just made Kasey look like Jules to throw the scent off

‘Stop talking about Kasey Monroe.’ That was my four-year-old’s secret.”

Absolutely Brad

“Hey, Nic, I’ve been meaning to ask you—” He shot a glance over his shoulder. “This summer, did Kasey ever, you know, mention anything?” I stepped in front of the bottle of vodka, blocking it from view. “Anything about what?” “I don’t know. Did she ever tell you what she was up to? How she was spending her time? I know you guys are close. She tells you things she doesn’t tell other people.”

🙄

“Well, not actually day one. He was out of town, wasn’t he? At his family reunion with Sandy and the boys. The day we needed him most he was on vacation at the lake.” “No, he wasn’t,” my dad says. “Sandy took the kids a few days earlier, but Brad stayed in town for a work thing. Who do you think organized the search party that first day after Wyler told us Kasey—”

Once again please let this be a red herring

“Sandy.” His eyes go round with fear. He wants his wife nowhere near me right now, and about this we can agree. I was reckless outside, but it is Brad I want to hurt, not her.

Got it. Sandy is the killer

“Oh, please. I can’t remember exactly when it started, but I woke up one morning, and suddenly you only seemed to notice me when the dishes went unwashed or dinner wasn’t on the table on time. Nobody thinks housewives have lives or stories or feelings, let alone secrets.”

“But then one day Kasey came over to the house.”

Omg she’s pregnant and she never died. She left to have the baby

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” Sandy says slowly. “I may have had a conversation with Lauren at one of the search parties, though if I did, I honestly don’t remember it.”

Hmmm ok I am back on the she killed her train

“I do,” Sandy interjects. “We were in couples therapy, a sort of save-your-marriage retreat.

Hmmm no

“Well, your email made it seem like the two of you were working on your sisters’ cases together, but you met with me separately.” “Wait,” I say. “Jenna came to talk to you?” She nods. “When was this?” “Let’s see, it would’ve been…Saturday afternoon.

Still, I am a killer now. For the rest of my life, Jenna will be dead and I will be the one who murdered her. It is depraved what I have done, evil. It will twist around my DNA and change me from the inside out. The thought makes me start to hyperventilate again.

The melodrama. The twist is definitely interesting but does it make up for the absurdity of the rest? No.

“You honestly don’t know what happened,” she snaps. “Do you? You honestly have no idea.”

Ah Nic killed Jules, Kasey being the big sister covered it up

But Kasey cuts me off. “You killed Jules! Okay? Without me, you’d be in fucking prison.”

✅