Say You'll Remember Me

by Abby Jimenez

Well-intentioned stupidity is still stupidity.

“We do love a cranky king,” she said distractedly.

“Also, you’re very tall,” Tina said. “You can’t frown and also be tall. It’s intimidating.”

Xavier was dry. He spoke in matter-of-fact tones. Sort of brooding.

This got him. His smile cracked and his whole face changed. WOW.

You know how when someone dies, all anyone cares about is how? Somehow the moment that takes them out is more interesting than decades worth of life and accomplishments and living. I hated it.

I didn’t even care that my friends had crashed it. I was glad they’d met her because now I had someone to talk to about her.

He was too attractive for me anyway. It was probably a red flag. I should just stick with medium-ugly men like I’m used to.

He leaned forward and kissed me. I didn’t expect it. I did, but I didn’t. It took my breath away.

The kiss was all I was afraid it was going to be. It was perfect.

all I could think was that he flew two thousand miles to kiss me. And I liked it.

She poured creamer into her coffee. She liked the blue vanilla ones. I made a mental note.

He needed the razzmatazz that I brought to the relationship. And I needed his steadiness.

So why was I still thinking about her? Because the facts didn’t change the feelings. I’d been taken by the riptide.

He kept putting chorizo in everything he cooked. I hated chorizo. It was the one thing I wouldn’t eat. He’d made chorizo ravioli last night. Had to hand make the pasta just to get it in there, that’s how committed he was.

My father was trapped in my mother’s illness. He was her person. Every day she woke up and fell in love with him all over again. Every day he woke up living a nightmare. And this is what he got for leaving it, even for an hour.

This whole chapter broke my heart so bad...

“What if I Venmo myself five thousand dollars?” “Do you need five thousand dollars?” “No, that’s just the transfer limit. I’m making a point.” I picked up his phone. “Women need to start robbing men more. You guys act way too invincible.”

I squeezed my eyes shut and let myself feel it. I wanted to feel how it felt to come home.

The best moments don’t have to be big to be forever. My chest got a little tight. This was the guy. This was who I was supposed to be with. I was so sure about it suddenly. All my best days would be like this. The two of us together.

It’s weird knowing what’s going to be in your end-of-life montage, as it’s happening. But I already knew when my life flashed before my eyes, the best parts of it were going to be about her.

It was like he was always thinking about me. A crow, bringing me shiny things. But really, all I wanted him to bring me was him.

“Would it make you happy?” I asked. “Yesssss.” “Then I will do it.”

“What is up with this entire generation of aging adults who refuse to accept responsibility for themselves? Seriously, what is it? I could never imagine my kid not talking to me for a decade and me not going ‘Hey, maybe it’s me?’”

“Because if you were my wife you would be my world. Everything starts with you and ends with you. Anything else is just the stuff that happens in the middle.”

No, my parents would never know her. They didn’t deserve to.

Then at 1:08 a.m. Christmas morning I felt a dip on the side of my bed. Suddenly I was wrapped in firm familiar warm arms and for the first time in sixteen hours I was held together enough by someone to completely fall apart.

It was so natural being with her, I wondered if loving her was a contract that I’d signed in a former life. Because it had never been like this for me with anyone else.

“If you had the power to erase every memory you have of me so you didn’t know what you were missing, would you do it?” she asked.

“What are you thinking about when you look at me like that?” I asked. “Lots of things,” he said quietly. “Like?” He regarded me with those crystal-blue eyes. “I’m thinking that I’m in love with you.” The words were so unexpected, I lost my breath. “Xavier…” “You don’t have to say it back. I just didn’t want to lie.” “But… but you’ve always looked at me like that,” I said. “I know. I’ve always loved you,” he said simply. “I think I couldn’t forget you because I remember you from a different lifetime. And I loved you then too.”

a very real part of me wished I’d never done any of it because the things I owned now owned me. I could never walk away from it now without it ruining my life. Even though going back to it without her felt like the same thing.

“The people who raise us have a hold on us. I still think about the things my parents did and didn’t do—we’re built that way, you know. We’re supposed to care what they think, it’s a survival instinct. But parents are human and not all humans should have children. Sometimes you just get bad ones.

“I would have thought about you for the rest of my life. Even after only a few minutes. You would have haunted me forever. You’re not someone you forget.”

Mom was standing in the door of the gazebo watching us. She was beaming from ear to ear. She knew. Something ingrained that told her she was seeing true love. Her heart remembering even though her brain had forgotten. She didn’t know who I was or who he was. But she still knew what love was.